Raising Wilsons

The Bright Side

2012-01-19T12:50:00.001-06:00

I have started writing several blog posts recently, well, in my head anyway.

1. The adventure of cousins coming for a sleepover during Thanksgiving break.
2. Our latest Shriner's visit and all the medical updates on the boys.
3. The fun-filled and jam-packed Christmas holidays.
4. A year in review post highlighting all the exciting happenings in 2011.
5. The whirlwind girls only trip to New Orleans with Ellie.

But, when I honestly express what's on my mind, I worry, fret, get the jitters, and even start to tear up. It's too much sometimes -- the lists in my head, like mutli-colored juggling rings all about the crash down if I don't start grabbing them in the right order.

Maybe it's just been a hard week trying to get back into the habit of working all day, juggling my time, handling all the day-to-day messes, and putting out fires left and right -- all of it just to get up the next day to start over again. Maybe I just miss the snuggles and giggles I get to see all day when the kids are home, even if it is exhausting. Maybe I just need a ~~stiff drink~~ nap.

Well, instead, I think I will put off writing those other blogs and follow the lead of one of my friends and have my very own "Thankful Thursday" to list those things for which I am grateful. It has to be better than sitting around feeling all bummed out.

I am thankful for:

Jack learning to say "I missed you, Mommy!"
Ellie getting so excited about having slippers.
Woody pretending there's a smiling goldfish swimming in his cup of water.
Chris reading a book I just finished, and me wanting so badly to talk about it but having to wait.
How much my mom loves all things Louisiana and wants all of us to love it, too.
My sister's tendency to always stay positive and energetic, even when she might not feel like it.
Carlos's ability to eat everything on his plate and my red beans and rice, too. He's a beast.
My sweet in-laws' willingness to spend time with my kids when I know it's not always convenient.
My pediatrician working us in for asthma issues on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
My friends at church who remind me I am not alone in my lamenting.
The extended families we love so much -- all very unique and equally goofy.
Lifelong friends who know me so well, even if we haven't spoken in months.
Leading a discussion about literature, and the room has an atmosphere of curiosity and anticipation.
Stepping on toys barefoot in the dark and trying not to introduce potty words to the little ones.
A friend giving us extra groceries even though she's facing a tough time herself.
Friends and even friends of friends offering to help us if we feel overwhelmed.
Jack telling me eating vegetables is stinky.
Ellie being sad when we are out of broccoli for a snack.
Woody continuing to say Merry Christmas to everyone he sees even though it's nearly February.
A husband who gets the boys changed and dressed before I'm even out of bed in the morning.
The teachers who are so patient when they are outnumbered and surrounded by conspiring trouble-makers.
Coffee with a splash of milk.
A letter in the mail instead of more junk.
A break in the work day to write a silly blog post and zone out for a few minutes.

Big Boys

2011-11-16T00:03:00.004-06:00

Confession:

Jack and Woody are creeping up on three years old, and I'm not ready to treat them like big boys.

To be honest, it's easier to forget they're getting older and just let them stay babies, especially since we still carry them around, push them in a stroller, and change their diapers. They roll around on the floor and sometimes crawl. And they still like to be snuggled, which is a big plus! People at Walmart think they are enormous, brilliant 1-year-olds, since all they see are two fat little babies sitting in the buggy and talking to everyone they meet.

However, Jack and Woody make it very clear that they are no longer babies. They get tired of being on the floor. They get fed up with seeing the world from everyone's feet, and they don't like sitting in a baby high chair to eat meals at home. They also get frustrated when they need help with simple things and are not able to run away from us and just go wild like little boys do. All of this causes them to rely on their speech -- they have to tell us what they want. Consequently, their vocabularies are sky-rocketing and they have started doing just that! Woody will ask to go play in his room with his trucks and trains. Jack will ask to play with the kitchen in Ellie's room. Woody asks to sit on the potty (we let him, although we're not sure what exactly will come of that one). They clearly know a baby when they see one, and from what we can tell, they know they are not babies.

The Wheelchair Conundrum
The boys are getting pretty skilled with their wheelchairs at school; they roll up to circle time to be with their friends and push up to the table for lunch. They make us so proud! The bummer is, at home, we just don't have the space for them to use their wheelchairs much, if at all. They can't turn around in the hallway or bathrooms, our bedrooms are all carpeted, and if they try to steer around the furniture in the living/dining room, they end up ramming each other, the walls, or the furniture (also, our dining table hits right at their eye level when they are in their chairs, which worries me). This is yet another instance where having double the ~~trouble~~ blessings means double the dilemma. We love our home, and we are very thankful for it. I can't imagine how we would have handled this in the trailer we rented before we moved here! However, we went from no children to three, two of whom are physically challenged, within two years. We certainly didn't expect that! And we picked out ceramic tile floors before we knew we'd have children who would crawl for a lot longer than most do. I have a hate/hate relationship with these floors. You should see the bruises on my ~~babies'~~ big boys' arms.

The Plan for a Big Boy Upgrade
I am constantly trying to figure out better ways to use the space we have for what we all need, but that can be very frustrating. What I know is I have to make it work, and what we need will always be in flux. However, for right now, there are a few key areas that need a big boy upgrade, so I am thinking about purchasing, borrowing, or stumbling upon a few things within the next six months or so, and each one will help us treat the boys like three-year-olds, not babies.

Wish me luck!

Get Real!

2011-10-30T14:12:00.013-05:00

"Taking Pictures of the Little Ones, a Study."

Pictures we might print for Maw Maw or post on Facebook:

The other 100 or so we snapped while trying to get one good picture:

Special

2011-09-22T14:07:00.001-05:00

What is the response when you ask a couple who is expecting if they want a boy or a girl? "As long as it's healthy, we'll be happy." If you know any special needs kids and their parents, you probably would then think to yourself, well, what if it isn't? What then?

I have become very sensitive about common little sayings and comments like these lately. When we are insensitive about other people's weaknesses, on some level we are implying that we don't think we have any of our own, I think.

I am claustrophobic. My little guys have a birth defect that will cause them to be physically challenged for life. I have students who have trouble with reading comprehension. My daughter Ellie needs glasses to see well. Some folks had speech problems when they were little. Some little boys aren't good at sports. Some babies were born with devastating cognitive disabilities. A little boy I know gets confused and says off-the-wall comments at school because he learns a little differently than the other 19 kids in his class. We are all individually gifted and challenged, aren't we? We're all special, aren't we? We all needed special education at one point in our lives. It's not us and them; it's just us.

I know I say thoughtless stuff every day, all day. And I don't mean any harm, so I know other people don't either. But there have been a few things lately that have just eaten away at me, and I have to write it down or I might just implode.

1. Retarded is not a cute way to say someone is funny, silly, crazy, or stupid.

My doctor referred to men as being retarded because they never think about the little things that need to be done around the house. I think this one goes without saying, but why are people STILL using this word in this way? I mean, she's a doctor. I expect more. Maybe I expect too much.

2. Gay is not a word to use when you mean something is stupid, pointless, ridiculous, or weird.

Again, seriously, is this 1950? If they know what the word means, then why do folks still use it in this context? Think about it. Let's say you are Irish and someone uses that word when they want to express the word stupid: "I can't believe you punched a brick wall ; that's so Irish!" It's not only offensive; it doesn't even make sense.

3. Special is not a word to use in order to be condescending to people who have developmental challenges.

This was originally such a great word -- instead of focusing on kids' problems, we focused on their exceptionality -- they are special. Unique. Differently-abled. But recently, I have heard teachers use this term sarcastically instead: "This little boy in my class gives me a hard time every day, but he's my special child, so I just laugh at him." Or they complain that they have too many SPED kids in their class and it's not fair to the normal students. They are teachers; their job is to teach all children. What are they modeling when they do this? That this student's needs are less important somehow?

On the kids' Jack's Big Music Show cd, there's a song called "I'm Not Perfect." And the lyrics are adorable:

I'm not perfect; no, I'm not.
I'm not perfect, but I got what I got.
I do my very best; I do my very best;
I do my very best each day.
But I'm not perfect, and you know,
I like it that way.

I love that. We try to make our kids perfect, whatever that even means, and they're just not. They make mistakes, they spill things, they forget their math homework, and they hide candy under their beds. They will never be perfect children. When we teach them that anything less than perfection is failure, we set them up for disapointment -- they can't win! Neither could we.

After listening to that song in the car, Ellie informs me: "But Mommy, I'm perfect!"
"Well, baby, you are amazing, but you make mistakes, don't you?"
"Yes, but not big mistakes."
"Well, making a little mistake, even just sometimes, means you are not perfect. Nobody is."
"I am perfect."
"Ellie, I love you and you are the best kid ever, but sweetie, no, you're not perfect. Neither is Mommy."
Pouting now, "But I wanted to be perfect!"
"Well, that's why we try very hard to do the right things. But only God is perfect."
"Oh yeah. And Jesus."
"Right."
"But Jesus isn't real."
"Sure he's real."
"I mean we can't see him."
"Right."
"I can help people."
"That's true. You are a great helper."
"When you say, 'Ellie, can you do something for me?' I will say 'Yes ma'am!'"
"Wonderful!"
"So, I'm perfect, Mommy."
"Oh, just eat your granola bar."
"Yes, ma'am."

The last verse of the song continues:

You're not perfect; no, you're not.
You're not perfect, but you got what you got.
You do your very best. You do your very best.
You do your very best each day.
But you're not perfect, and you know,
I love you that way.

Letter to My Legislators

2011-09-02T11:08:00.000-05:00

Representative Nowlin and Senator Long,

I am writing to seek your advice about a critical need for families with disabled children in Louisiana.

Recently, my twin boys, both born with spina bifida, the most common permanently disabling birth defect, were denied LA Medicaid coverage. Although we are participating in the appeal process, this letter is not about my family as much as it is about other families in the same situation.

My husband and I are both working people with good, stable jobs, despite the current economic uncertainty in our state. We clearly do not qualify for the standard healthcare coverage through LA Medicaid for children, since that is a need-based program. However, for one year, we did qualify for a supplemental plan for families of children with disabilities with higher incomes, called the Family Opportunity Act. Typically, this is a buy-in program with a small monthly premium.

When we learned we were being denied this coverage for the upcoming year, I was disappointed but not surprised. Even supplementary LA Medicaid has a maximum allowed income for the family, even a family with disabled children. This came as a shock to our friends and family all over the state. Everyone we talked to had always just assumed kids with a permanent disability automatically qualified for some form of LA Medicaid. I decided that even if our family never receives these benefits, I needed to speak up for other families with the same desperate need for help with medical costs relating to their child's medical disability.

First, let me assure you that the last thing on our minds is a handout from the government. What I am referring to is a need for assistance due to a child's devastating medical condition. Many of these children (like our own) were disabled from birth, so they would never qualify for private supplemental insurance due to a pre-existing condition. And I also know that over half of the children in Louisiana have some sort of Medicaid coverage, which is a high percentage and is incredibly expensive for our state.

Some other states offer automatic Medicaid qualification for disabled children (at least as a supplement to private insurance), and I'm sure this is partly because their populations are not as needy as Louisiana families. The message that we are getting from the Medicaid program is "You would be better off to just quit working and get full Medicaid coverage for your kids." This can't possibly be the kind of message we need to be sending to families in Louisiana.

What I am asking is that we recognize families like ours, who, although they have adequate income, are desperately trying to cover co-payments for visits to multiple medical specialists, expensive medical equipment denied by private insurance (like wheelchairs and other assistive devices), high co-payments for daily prescription medications, co-payments for lifetime weekly physical therapy sessions, co-payments for recurring medical needs like catheters and nebulizer supplies, and the list goes on and on. They are faced with the decision no parent ever wants to make -- whether or not they can afford to give their children the medical care the doctors say they greatly need.

I know writing a new bill is a long process and might not appear to be fiscally responsible, considering the costs involved with insuring even more families in the state, but this is an ethical issue that I feel must be considered. In the words of Hubert Humphrey, ". . . the moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; those who are in the shadows of life; the sick, the needy and the handicapped.”

I would welcome any advice you can offer about how I should proceed, because I will certainly keep persevering to shed light on this critical issue. Thank you for taking the time to consider my cry for help on behalf of all the disabled children in Louisiana and their families.

Sincerely,
Mariann Wilson

Firsts, Part Deux, The Sequel

2011-08-26T10:55:00.000-05:00

I posted about the many firsts my kids had accomlished a while back, but I think it's time for part deux. All three are back to school -- one in pre-K and two back in their wonderful early intervention class. So, let's start the show, folks:

1. Words: Woody told me something was "disgusting" the other day. Ellie told me I didn't know what a "title" of a book was. Woody and Jack also invent words. Today at the doctor, he called a sink "washer hands." He said, "Bye-Bye, Washer Hands" after he was finished at the sink. Jack calls an umbrella "rainin." Looking in a book at a picture of U for Umbrella: "That's a rainin."

2. Jack is four-point crawling! He has been commando/army crawling/scooting for quite a while, but instead of just rocking or balancing in a four point stance, he is now moving those little knees and going places. You can see how much concentration it takes when you look into his face -- every movement is intentional and takes such focus. But he's getting faster and stronger every day!

3. Ellie Marie, my sweet girl is enjoying her new school very much. She has to walk from the car to the hallway of her school all by herself in the morning . She was a little nervous about that at first, but is an old pro now. All she's shared about school is that she gets chocolate milk, there is a play kitchen, and they "drag" the letters of the alphabet (not sure about that one). Oh, and if the kids get too loud, her teacher places her hands on top of her head to let them know to quiet down. Cute.

4. Wheelchair skills: Jack managed to get himself out of his classroom, down a short hall, and into another classroom in order to watch Barney during pick up time at school the other day! His teacher was so proud but let him know he has to have permission to leave the room -- imagine that! We've come a long way, baby.

Wish I had pictures to share, but even if I could find the camera, I don't think I'd have time to use it!

Little Sneak

2011-07-08T13:32:00.000-05:00

Woody has decided he can army crawl and roll around well enough to get into some trouble, and this seems to be the biggest motivator yet for my little guy to get moving.

I found him a little while ago after I had left the room to switch over the laundry. I knew it was oddly quiet! Woody was hiding and eating candy he had dumped from a water bottle:

It's so exciting to know he can get away, hide, and be sneaky. I am very thankful to have this sneaky little boy!

Itty Bitty Vacation

2011-07-05T13:03:00.000-05:00

The Perkins family reunion gave us a good reason to get away for the long 4th of July weekend. We stayed with Maw Maw Judy and Paw Paw "Randis" (Woody kept mixing his paw paws -- Randy + Travis= Randis)!

Our first big adventure was taking the new bridge in New Roads for the first time. People have always traveled by ferry to cross the Mississippi River from Point Coupee Parish to East Feliciana Parish, and now that there is a bridge, we have a more straight shot over to my mom's house, which saves us about 45 minutes of driving (at least). Strangely enough, there were no signs, and it took us a while to find the dang bridge. At the gas station, we asked which way to turn for the bridge, and the young lady asked, "Which bridge?" What bridge?! Are you kidding? Once we saw it, we wondered how anyone from this town could ask that! The John James Audubon Bridge is the longest cable-stayed bridge in the Western Hemisphere according to the website: "Each cable stay is anchored to a 500-foot tower, which provides support to the bridge deck. Each stay contains 20 to 69 individual cables for a total of 4,548 cables." It cost over 400 million dollars to build. And it's sitting out beyond a bunch of sugar cane fields in the middle of nowhere! It was very impressive!

Our fun also included a quick trip to Hammond to the Children's Discovery Center, a children's museum! Favorites: Jack loved the big bubble room. Woody was very interested in the ambulance/EMT spot.

Ellie adored the Middendorf's restaurant exhibit where she took our orders and brought us something completely different! We did a simulated hot air balloon ride and laughed hard at Chris and Aunt Nene almost getting stuck in the slide trying to help the boys get a turn :)

Another fun trip was to the Aquarium of the Americas in New Orleans after church on Sunday, although we went through a terrible storm getting there -- hail and a very loud downpour. But once we got there, the kids were amazed! Ellie called the parking garage a "car cave" and the winding ramp a "car slide." I have some serious small-town kids. The see-through elevator in Canal Place that seemed to land us in a fountain was exciting, too. Mom and I joked that all we needed to do was go to the parking garage to entertain my silly kids. Favorites at the aquarium: Ellie was tickled at the hammerhead sharks ans the stingrays. Jack loved the penguins! But he calls them "pen-goyns", which is too cute. Woody is not our animal lover, but he did seem amazed by the BIG fish in the Gulf of Mexico exhibit -- sharks, sea turtles, and enormous tarpon! But the highlight was when Jack attempted to hold the feeding stick in the Parakeet exhibit and the little bird nipped his finger. He stayed pretty calm. . . . and then knocked the bird right off that stick! Don't mess with Jack, parakeets!

On the 4th, we headed to the country to have the family reunion. There was a good turn-out, so we were able to visit with our favorite cousins and a few relatives several times removed . . . especially from my memory. We ate goat. Yep. Goat. Chewy. Anyway, all sorts of garden vegetables like butter beans, tomatoes, cucumbers, and sweet corn, tons of desserts, and homemade ice cream, too. It was exactly what a family reunion in July in Louisiana ought to be, I guess: HOT. An afternoon shower helped out a little bit. We watched as the big group of people fishing down the hill at the pond came running toward the house!

I'd say this was a fun little escape and a great way to spend the 4th, enjoying all things America. And we discovered that 2 of our 3 kids are entertainers to the core -- making people laugh by singing, laughing, dancing, and being comedians. They were a riot. And Woody, the non-entertainer, is a flirt who loves to cuddle and spend time with people one-on-one. He can win your heart in his own way :)

Real pictures on "The Facebook" as soon as Nene posts them (I took almost none, sadly.)

Yes or No

2011-06-27T19:50:00.002-05:00

At church during Vacation Bible School a couple weeks ago, I taught the kids a lesson during which they had to respond to several yes/no questions. The twist was they had to answer in a language other than English: oui, non, da, nyet, si, no, jah, nein. It was pretty entertaining. We sounded like a meeting of the United Nations, which was appropriate, since the theme of the week was New York City.

Well, that started me thinking about how often I have to say yes or no every day at home: No, you can't have candy for breakfast; Yes, you have to brush your teeth; Yes, flamingos stand on one leg quite often; No, you may not lick the toilet (sadly these are all actual statements overheard in my house this week).

Chris and I sometimes get so exhausted it seems like all we ever say is "no." I catch myself saying it almost out of habit, and then I stop and ask "Why not?" Is there really cause to answer with a no on this issue, or am I just tired of making decisions and cleaning up messes? Can I paint, Mommy? (Why not?) Can we have lunch on the floor in the living room like a picnic? (Why not?) Can we stay in our pjs and watch a movie this morning? (Why not?) Can we have peanut butter and sprinkles on our pancakes? (Why not?) Can I help you make the cornbread? (Why not?) Can we have a playdate tomorrow with _____ ? (Why not?)

Some people call it picking your battles, and I guess that's basically the idea. I don't want to be the "No Mom". Being a "Yes Parent" who reserves her no's for when there's a solid reason seems much more furry and cuddly, right? Is it going to hurt someone, make someone sick, show disrepect to someone, destroy something, annoy someone, or start a very bad habit? If yes, then the answer is "no." If not, then why not?

Same goes for grown-up stuff too -- why say no to something new or something that might be fun just because it might require a little extra effort on my part or it might mess with my routine a little bit? Usually, I'm glad later that I didn't dismiss the idea and just went for it instead. Why not stay an extra day, try something different on the menu, take the scenic detour, or meet back up later? Even those numerous trips, tasks, or chores that I simply don't want to do but are important to someone else and might bring them happiness -- why not?

But there is also the important art of when to own my "No".
I frequently find myself saying yes to ideas, projects, and tasks without giving them much thought at all, and then I am completely worn out from all that yes action. Is the goal something that is helpful to my family or to someone else? Is the outcome worth my time and energy? Will it be memorable or forgettable? If nobody really cares and it's just something on a guilt-soaked mental to-do list that will only drain me of energy and put me in a bad mood -- no.

I'm a work in progess, but I am close to mastering three skills involving yes and no:

1. If something will make my kids happy, help them learn something meaningful, or make memories, and there is no real reason to say no, I try to say yes. I sometimes still struggle with getting my butt in gear, though.

2. I try not to apologize or make excuses for my no's; I just say no. I'd rather be given the options and decide for myself if a or b is beneficial enough for our time. Then I can give an honest yes or no, without all the animal dung that we usually attach to our responses.

3. I try to accept "no" as a perfectly appropriate response from other people. Do they really need a reason other than they just don't want to if the choice in question is not that important? Nope.

I guess writing a blog somehow landed on the yes list -- Oui, Da, Si, Jah!

Four Years have Flown

2011-06-01T09:18:00.004-05:00

My sweet Ellie Marie turned 4 yesterday!

She isn't a baby any more :( Here she is at 2 trying to perform, despite a familiar soundtrack in the background (her baby brothers). This is one of the things I love the most about my Ellie -- she finds a way to blossom in our craziness!

I would say that Ellie is:

Entertaining ~ We get to see the "Ellie Show" live every night. Lately, she gets behind a curtain and I must properly introduce her: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of All Ages -- Now Introducing the Amazing, the Talented, the Beautiful . . . Ellie Marie Wilson -- Walking Like a Dog and Blowing a Whistle!" Here's the hula girl in action:

Loving~ She wants everyone to be happy, so she tries very hard to keep the peace. It hurts her feelings if the boys get into trouble or if Mama isn't feeling well. She'll whisper "Boys, don't be loud; Mommy has a headache!"

Like Her Mama ~ She enjoys snuggling in and watching TV, reading a good book, having long conversations, and eating yummy food like fruits, veggies, chocolate, and cookies! She isn't too interested in hairbows or fancy clothes -- comfort is key. Poor thing even looks like me :)

Inquisitive ~ My girl loves books, playing learning games on the computer, and going to school. She asks questions about the river, the train, the birds, the flowers, the groceries we buy, and . . . air pollution? Thanks, "Sid the Science Kid."

Easy-Going ~ Ellie Marie is a happy and easy-to-please little girl. She gets excited about anything new and will pretty much go along with whatever her Daddy or her teachers come up with. She is a good listener and rarely gets into trouble, since she is kind and pretty willing to go with the flow. Flexibility is highly valuable in our home, as you can imagine. Here she is trying out her big and exciting birthday present -- The Extreme Coaster!

Happy Birthday, Ellie Marie! You will always be my baby girl :)

The Three Seasons

2011-05-15T22:33:00.001-05:00

In our home, we have three seasons: School, Christmas, and Summer.

Switching gears for a change in the season is always hard on little folks. They thrive in a routine and resist any change to that routine; it takes time for them to settle in. Nevertheless, here we go again because Summer is upon us. Ellie and I are both finished for the year, and the boys have four more days left in school.

Summertime is something I love and dread quite equally.
I am going to be teaching two online courses, since I can't seem to do one job at a time. But being a mostly stay-at-home mommy is job number one. The love part comes with all the extra time I get with the kids -- playing, being silly, and cuddling. The dread part comes in when I consider that it is very hard work to keep the children busy and happy at home, since they are accustomed to having lots of different playmates and plenty of changes in scenery during the school year. To the boys, mommy is SO boring compared to having three teachers, two therapists, and eight playmates around at school. To Ellie, she just wants to GO . . . anywhere, anytime. Staying home is nice to Ellie, but not nearly as nice as checking out what everyone else is up to. Oh, and the heat -- my God the heat!

I keep asking myself, "How am I going to do this all summer?"

Plan of Attack
The plan to keep everyone active and content even in what is sure to be another long, hot Louisiana summer includes: three weeks of summer school for the boys to keep up their wheelchair skills, swimming in a big pool once a week, physical therapy twice a week for the boys, storytime at the library, arts and crafts, perhaps a playgroup once a week, swimming lessons for Ellie, and Bible school. Throw in five or six doctors' appointments already on the calendar, and it will be August before we know it and time to head back to school.

The Challenge
The challenging part is that the boys aren't quite able to get around on their own yet. They haven't mastered crawling or using their wheelchairs enough to go get what they want or to find something to do on their own. This leads, inevitably, to endless commands being hurled at me or Ellie: "Mommy, I firetruck. Ellie, I ball. NO! I that ball!" They also have two favorite activities that keep the house a mess and keep me on my toes: putting any and everything in their mouths, and throwing anything they get in their hands across the room. It's a little game to see how many items they can throw and how far they can throw them. Great fun for them; a huge pain for moi. They are also textbook two-year-olds: they pull hair, bite, knock heads, and have meltdowns over which cup you hand them or which way you turn to go to Walmart. Joy.

Secret Weapons
We have a few tricks up our sleeves, though. First, I am embarking on a three-day total home reorganization with Ellie as my assistant -- toy and art supply storage, diapering and physical therapy supplies, outdoor set-up including the little pools and outdoor toys, and summer clothes storage. I'm hoping we can set the stage for an easy transition with easy access to all things summer.

Also, in just a few weeks, Ellie is getting a very exciting present for her 4th birthday: a rollercoaster! It resides in three large boxes in my foyer right now, and she knows her present is in there, but she doesn't yet know what it is. Unlike a trampoline, a swingset, or a playhouse, all my kids can use this big toy. It will involve a lot of screams of "again" and me lifting 35 pound boys over and over, but I'm hoping it will be worth it to see their excitement. Here's what it will look like:

Do you have any other ideas for summer sanity?

How Ellie Plays

2011-04-29T11:12:00.000-05:00

I have an almost four-year-old on my hands! Ellie Marie is a sweet and thoughtful big sister who loves to use her imagination. Sometimes her methods of play (like most kids' her age) are mysterious and funny to boring old grown-ups. Today, the three little ones played together so well -- no fighting, fussing, or meltdowns -- for almost 2 hours! I checked in, but mostly stayed out the way and let them explore and play. This was 100% due to my needing to finish up some last minute end-of-semester grading. Here's just a little taste.

(For those who claim I seem to only post blogs about my happy, clean, and perfect homelife, be careful what you wish for!)

Why does a pig in a bathtub need to be on a piece of newspaper? Sounds like a riddle, but no; it's a real question:

A lot of Ellie's playing involves putting toys, animals, and dolls to bed. Here, we have the classic create a bed for a doggie. She has a toy cradle in her room and plenty of dolls to put to sleep in it. But, I can see why she would prefer to put one of the boys' toys to bed on a impromptu bed, can't you?

Another popular and time-consuming playtime activity for Ellie is stacking and piling things. Anything, really. Today, it's 1. books on a chair 2. two beds' worth of bedding, a couple of yoga mats, and a few pieces of the floor mat all piled on top of her brothers.

The aftermath of a couple of hours without complete supervision. Oh, the joys of parenting. But, I'll miss this one day, or at least that's what I've heard :)

Every Six Months (lengthy post)

2011-04-28T19:55:00.004-05:00

Every six months, Jack and Woody visit Shriners' Hospital for the Spina Bifida Clinic. It's a day-long ordeal that is always somewhat bittersweet. We receive tons of information -- much more than we can process. And we get to see spina bifida displayed right in front of us, at all ages and all levels of ability. It can be overwhelming, encouraging, terrifying, and enlightening all at the same time. Here's a peek into our day at clinic.

The Sweet

The sweetest part of clinic is connecting with other SB families. I can't really explain how great it is to talk to someone about all the stuff that our SB kids deal with and discover that they know exactly what I'm talking about -- 'cause they've been there, are there now, or will be there. This week's clinic was especially sweet because I was able finally to meet the "other twins" we have heard about since before the boys were born. The girls are 7-year-old identical twins, and they are simply amazing. They are beautiful, energetic, bright, precocious little girls who will steal your heart in 3 seconds flat. Both of the girls were born with spina bifida . . . and both of the girls ran, jumped, and explored all over the hospital, mostly without their braces! They are rockstars :) Their dad was super, and we exchanged e-mails. I am beyond happy that we finally got to meet these two sweethearts.

We also got to meet a few teenagers this time, and well, let's just say they inspired me to dig deep and decide every day to be positive, so the boys will have a shot at being confident and completely comfortable with who they are. I want them to feel blessed. (Because they are.)

Exhibit A: a young teenager who walks independently most of the time, and you'd probably never know she has a medical disability. But she is very down on herself, frightened by social interaction, and just insecure all around. We bonded a bit because she is a big-time reader. Always something new on her Kindle. She is beautiful, intelligent, and very sweet. In her mind, though, she's just different, weird, and gross. By the way, I got to talk with her for a little while, and I started sounding like a motivational speaker. I told her that she might think everyone is focused on her difficulties with walking and with bathroom stuff, but 95% of that is just in her head. And even if people do notice her differences, that doesn't mean they couldn't be great friends and a lot of fun to hang out with. She smiled a lot and said she is scared to go to high school next year. I'll be praying for her.

Exhibit B: a sixteen-year-old girl who rolled up in her wheelchair to meet the boys. She has a big smile on her beautiful rosy face and thinks the boys are adorable (because they are . . duh!). She strikes up a conversation and says she travels from Oklahoma to come to Shriners. She's been coming since she was two and thinks of the staff as her second family. She cracks jokes, asks about me, and tells me she forced her best friend to tag along with her on the trip. Her friend teases her and they both ooh and ahh over the boys for a while. She seems to have probably never walked much, if at all; she is bubbly and very social. Since she comes off as very comfortable with who she is, her positive attitude is contagious. I wish I was sixteen again so I could be invited to her parties and we could hang out :)

The Bitter
(Warning: mega medical mumbo jumbo ahead).
At clinic, we find out how the boys are progressing and some goals we can work toward during the next six months. And a few bits of news that can sometimes be difficult to hear. The breakdown usually includes Neuro, Uro, and Ortho at our clinic, but this time we did not meet with our neurosurgeon. We'll see him in June at his regular office. Here's the dealio:

Urology: Yes, lovely urology. For those who aren't familiar with how SB affects this system, I'll give it to you as simply as I can (because I only have a basic understanding of it myself so far). The boys do not have full (or possibly any) control over their bladders and bowels. Also, because they don't have the right nerve impulses to empty the bladder completely, they have urinary reflux (some urine backs up toward the kidneys). Therefore, we have to keep a good eye on their kidney health. Urinary tract infections are common for these kids, but our boys have STILL not had any, so yay yay yay for that. Most people probably have no idea how big of a deal this is.

At this clinic we were told that we need to start using a catheter about once a week to check the amout of urine that is hanging out in the bladder after the boys wet their diapers. We will measure it and document that for our next clinic. At that point we will also do another urodynamics study (a video x-ray of the urinary system at work, using fluids and catheters) to determine the pressure of the bladder/kidney relationship and the exact amount of reflux they have. If they have any infections, if they have too large an amount of residual urine, or if their reflux has worsened by then, we will begin catheterizing several times a day to help the bladder empty completely and keep the kidneys healthy. This is the news I knew was coming eventually, but it seems we have been given another reprieve from cathing daily, for at least six more months. Cathing keeps the kidneys healthy and can have a very positive effect on health later in life, but to be honest, the word almost paralyzes me with fear and dread. It's a huge time-consuming inconvenience involving icky medical processes I don't feel qualified to perform (and it will be times two). At least I have a little more time to get used to the idea. And I will; I know I will.

Orthopedics: An x-ray showed that Woody has one hip out of socket. The doctor came in with this cautious look on his face like he was expecting me to burst into tears over the news, but thank you, thank you, thank you, BabyCenter Spina Bifida Kids board! I already knew that this was relatively common with SB kids and isn't exactly as devastating as it sounds. First, it doesn't hurt him, at least for now. Second, although having one hip out and one hip in is obviously not ideal, he will not have surgery right now (or possibly ever) to put it back in. If it gives him heck later when he's trying to stand and walk, we may have to go down that road. For now, since lack of muscle tone caused it to slip out, even if they put it back, it could slip out again unless he gets much stronger. So, we don't do anything. Weird, right?

Our physical therapy goals for next clinic are to increase the boys' upper body strength and increase the time they spend in their stander (a device that hold them up in a standing position so their legs can bear weight, grow, and develop correctly). Here's what theirs looks like:

They were molded for larger AFOs (Ankle-Foot Orthotic) this clinic, also. Their "boots" will be a little taller (to just a little below the knee) and offer more support. They will look a little like these, probably, but an alligator design (Jack) and a cars and trucks design (Woody):

If they are able to hold up their weight on straight arms, we could be ready to try RGO (Recipricating Gait Orthosis), which is a mega-brace that helps the boys, well, to stand and eventually practice walking using parallel bars or a walker for support! Here's what that will look like:

This would be a long (maybe years long) process that starts with 2 weeks in-patient to help us all learn the skills for using the equipment correctly. Also, they mentioned twister cables (so mechanical, right?), which I have yet to read up on, but I have heard of them. Exciting? yes. Terrifying? yes.

Overall, the bitter and the sweet made for a busy day, especially considering my sweet boys were just getting over being so sick it landed Jack in the hospital for five days with pneumonia. But Maw Maw Judy was there to help and to offer candy bribes whenever needed, so we all made it home in one piece. My guys are tough, and when I'm not, at least I know tomorrow's a brand new day.

We think we know, but . . .

2011-03-23T10:35:00.005-05:00

we have no idea.

I have made a lot of friends online who share a very specific life experience with us -- the day we found out our kids would have the permanent disability called spina bifida. Most of us heard the news while pregnant and sitting in a doctor's office after a high-resolution ultrasound. Our stories all have different details, but the overwhelming majority were given the option to terminate. Don't worry; this isn't a rant about that, but oh boy, could I go there. My boys had SB before we had even named them: baby A and baby B were going to face some pretty enormous difficulties in life, and at that time, we didn't know exactly what those would be.

That day, our doctor made one specific argument for termination that has always bugged me, and honestly, it still does: "Think about what you will be doing to your little girl if you have these babies." Ellie Marie was about 18 months old when we received the boys' diagnosis. She would be 22 months old when they were born. This was the first day we had heard this heart-wrenching news and he had the nerve to tell me to think about Ellie? He had never met Ellie! He didn't know me. He had no idea what kind of family we were. Did he think I hadn't considered that having two physically challenged brothers might make Ellie's life a little tougher?

Of course, we knew that Ellie would be fine -- she has always been a trooper and honestly, it didn't matter. We didn't have a choice to make; God had already made it when he gave us the boys (it was done deal already; seemed crazy to me that this doctor thought we had a say so). But I guess I still think about what the doctor said and wonder what Ellie thinks about our family and all the craziness that is our life.

This brings me to the story I sat down to write today:

I was a little sad when we found out Ellie had to get glasses at 3 years old; I'm not sure why, but it was probably about not wanting to cover up her sweet little face. I worried about her not adjusting well to them or getting teased when she got older. Well, turns out she doesn't mind them at all. We also get to go up to Shreveport every 2 months for an ophthalmology check-up since she is using an eye patch to strengthen her weak eye. She used to hate doctors but doesn't mind this one (no shots). PLUS, I was thinking that this gave her a mommy day without her brothers; they were usually the ones I had to take to Shreveport while she was in school, since ALL our docs are there.

I was very excited that this past visit was early enough for us to play around in town afterwards -- just Ellie and me! And boy, did we! We shopped, we rode the trolley and the carousel, we played at the playground and ate popcorn shrimp at Joe's Crab Shack -- and she even had a sip or two of Coke (big deal when someone other than a grandparent lets her do that!). I sat there at lunch thinking she must think it is such a relief not to wait around for us to load wheelchairs, change diapers, fill sippy cups, help the boys slide, stop them from eating the rocks, and all that stuff. Instead, she looked up from her bucket 'o shrimp and exclaimed, "Mommy, we need to come back here, but we need to bring the boys next time! They would really like that trolley, and they could watch me climb on the playground. They like doing that. And you and Daddy could hold them on the horsies at the carousel, too!"

I'm such an idiot. That girl missed her brothers. She is not just alright with them being in her life; she's blessed. She's not even 4 yet, and she gets it. She knows that when you love someone, you don't mind the inconveniences that come along with the deal. You still miss them when they're not here. I'm so thankful that our boys are here.

And that doctor doesn't know jack. Or Woody. Or Ellie.

God Bless Elmo

2011-03-21T17:35:00.001-05:00

I am thankful for a lot of things: love, life, health, forgiveness, my home, my family, my job, joy, peace -- all that stuff.

and ELMO.

I could kiss that little red muppet. I want to shout it from the rooftops: "God Bless You, Elmo!"

"Elmo's World" aires for the last 20 minutes of Sesame Street, and for about 20 minutes, all three of my little ones will sit nicely and watch educational TV. Lately, my two-year-old boys will bite, hit, and pull hair if they are within arm's reach of one another (or not, in Jack's case, as he's rolling and scooting all over the place now). And there aren't too many things that 2 year-olds and an almost 4 year-old have in common. And then there was Elmo recorded on the DVR and ready for quick access.

We reserve Elmo for those emergenecy times when we can't have our eyes directly on the kids for whatever reason, or maybe I just need a few minutes to do A, B, or C without the disruption of fighting, whining, or unexpected messes. And yes; almost every day there is an appropriate occasion for the use of Elmo -- oh who am I kidding: every day.

You have come to my rescue and salvaged what was left of my sanity on many an afternoon, Elmo, and today, I salute you.

My Daybook

2011-02-25T09:54:00.009-06:00

Outside my window ~ a little cooler and breezy after the rain last night. Birds. Sunshine. Perfect.

Around the house ~ it's a mess, but I can hear the washer working and I plan to pick up the randomly distributed toys, jackets, shoes, and piles of stuff later today before I go get the kids.

I am thankful for ~ all my kids' wonderful teachers who make me feel at ease while my treasures are away from me

Pondering these words ~ Hosea 2:15 "I will [ . . .] transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope." Love that.

I am remembering~ Ms. Dee, one of my other mothers who was gone too soon.

Looking forward to ~ the boys' 2nd birthday party next weekend :)

I am noticing ~ that I will do just about anything to avoid grading essays -- cleaning, blogging . . .

I am thinking ~ I wish Chris was free more often to play music gigs and jam with his friends. We have this habit of tying him down. Here he is playing in Alexandria last weekend:

From the kitchen ~ not too much excitement. Shepherd's Pie is the go-to supper around here. I was excited that the boys ate their chicken quesadillas on wheat tortillas really well the other night. If only I could hide veggies in there.

I am going ~ to look for my next flea market chair today, hopefully. More living room seating? Here's my last find (after a quick fabric change):

I am hoping ~ that I can figure out how to get in all the exercise and therapy the boys need each week. time in the stander, belly work, trunk strengthening. I would be proud and very fulfilled to work it all in each day.

One of my favorite things ~ This is random, but I just discovered instant hashbrowns. They are in a little carton and you rehydrate them: bam -- hashbrowns with no mess and no thaw time! It's the little things sometimes.

I am reading ~ A Separate Peace (teaching it, so re-reading it) and the study for my Sunday School class, The Call to Follow Christ

I just saw this online (I added this one) ~ bath seats I want to try for the boys -- might allow us to extend bath time and let them play together. I hope the seats can handle the weight of my wittle chunkies:

A picture thought to share ~

Ellie before glasses:

Ellie with glasses:

Doesn't she look so incredibly grown up? I can't get over it!

A tiny life. A tremendous purpose.

2011-02-01T14:41:00.000-06:00

Every life is valuable. There is a larger purpose to our lives beyond the here and now. Our physical existence is secondary to our eternal significance.

I believe these statements; I think I always have. But I am learning how incredibly true they are right now.

My friend lost her sweet baby girl this week. Anne had special medical needs, and she experienced a lot of suffering in her short life. Too much. But her life was no less valuable than any of ours -- she had a special purpose during her short stay here in our world. She fulfilled it.

Who else can bind our hearts together, can make us see the world in a completely different light, can cause us to appreciate those small graces all around us, can teach us real compassion, can make us overlook the insignificant annoyances, can inspire us to fight, can teach us that every breath is a miracle, can remind us of the very, very few things in life that matter at all . . .

only Anne.

Only sweet little Anne and kids like her, who were dealt what we see as an unfair hand. But she touched more lives and fulfilled a greater eternal purpose than most of us will ever dream of. Our hearts might be broken, but hers isn't any more.

Her little life, from its very beginning, mattered. I just believe that.

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant."

2011-01-24T11:42:00.002-06:00

We're in a bit of a winter fog around here. Our home has been a little down and sort of stalled out, especially in the fun department, for the last couple of weeks. A stomach bug x3 followed immediately by another fever virus x2 landed us into a few doctors' offices (of course, in the end for no reason, since it all ended being viral). But it's also just the cold weather -- the kids are stuck inside, much to their oft-expressed dismay. But my experience-soaked discovery about these undesirable periods of life:

It really is just a phase; things will eventually get better.

In other words, "This too shall pass." It is trite, but no less true.

Lately:

But Ellie will be rockin' and rollin' with her brothers again very soon:

Happy Winter!

Holiday-ed Out

2011-01-01T22:52:00.000-06:00

Our family has been busy enjoying the holidays -- traveling, visiting, eating, playing, singing, buying, praying, giving, all that. We ~~survived~~ celebrated Christmas for a few weeks, including 5 family get-togethers! And now we've rung in the new year here at home.

I love to look back at my blog and see how far we've come and how much we have all grown and changed over the year, mostly for the better. I didn't get to sit down at the computer very much last year, but here's our first blog of the new year, with more to follow, I hope:

Christmas and I have a love/hate thing going on:

I LOVE to see family and friends and visit with them all. They're so mean for ever leaving.

I LOVE seeing kids get excited over the box rather than the fancy gift inside. :)

I LOVE thinking about Christ -- love and peace and perfection. He came to rescue us when we were just in a mess. I hope I can do the same (well, not the SAME, but I know what I mean) for someone else.

I LOVE the music, good grief how I love the music! "Ring, Christmas Bells", "Carol of the Bells", bells bells bells, bells!

I HATE the expense, well, the wasted expense. What ever happened to "I picked up a little something that made me think of you?" We always have to over-do it.

I HATE the traveling. We are exhausted, and we didn't even go very far. I thought about sleeping in the van rather than unpacking when we got home.

I HATE the sweets everywhere I turn. Cut me some slack, Jack. I can't keep buying bigger pants!

I HATE the have-tos -- what we have to bake, give, buy, attend, and decorate. Nobody cares if we spent our savings or put 1,000 tiny lights on our house if we grumble about it and don't even enjoy it. Sheesh. Bro. Easley always said to turn those got-tos into get-tos.

Having little ones made this Christmas buckets of fun, though -- Ellie, Jack, and Woody believe in magic and they love so purely. Everything is new and exciting to them, and it really does make me remember those times. Anything seemed possible, didn't it? Well, if Jesus's mama taught us anything, it's that "Nothing is impossible with God." I'll try to remember that more this year.

Square Footage

2010-06-12T14:22:00.001-05:00

Time for a confession: our house is completely filled with people and stuff.

We've been looking at some larger homes, and I have felt pretty guilty for even thinking about buying another house. Do we really need that much space? Being materialistic and stuff-driven is NOT a goal of ours, but it's easy to become that way. I mean, if the five of us can't fit comfortably in this house, do we just own too many things? I try to have a "home" for everything and a container for catch-alls in each room, but we still end up with clutter everywhere. Two of every baby item imaginable PLUS Ellie's toys, art supplies, books, shoes, and ponytail holders make it nearly impossible to keep the house picked up. I have these ideas of how to make better use of our space (because I really feel like we have more than enough room), but I can never seem to make the plans work. You know, maybe move this in there, and that over here. Oh, and throw those out, give these away, pack this up to store in the attic, and so on. We could use a shelf here, a toy basket there. Hooks on this wall to hold such-n-such. But will these little fixes really make a difference?

Also, in the near-to-distant future, we will have to make room for walkers, crutches, wheelchairs, or whatever mobility assisting equipment the boys will need. When I look into the future, I imagine walls being banged into and all of us getting bruised and beaten up trying to move around in the house.

So, I guess we'll de-clutter and rearrange until we can't take it any more. Is that the only option? I mean, who wants to move, anyway, right? What a pain . . .

Any ideas, blog friends?

Today

2010-05-19T15:19:00.002-05:00

Today,
-- I interviewed #12, on a list of 24 potential part-time nannies. Yep. Apparently, there's still not much work out there, or at least not in Natchitoches this summer. So much for the recession being over. I have liked almost all of them and loved a few of them. Gonna be tough, especially since I'm only halfway down the list.

-- I watched Ellie paint and she was so neat and tidy, such a big girl. We found a set of watercolors (you know, the little tray of oval colors) on sale at Walgreens, so I just let her go for it. She couldn't believe she could choose any or all of the 24 colors. She produced three very creative pieces for display in my kitchen gallery. She went for hot pink first, in case the suspense was killing you.

-- I thought it was gross that I gave the boys, in this order: antibiotic, pineapple flavored; Motrin, bubble gum flavored; congestion medicine, grape flavored. It was like a nasty little fruit smoothie.

-- I witnessed a ravioli lunch incident of enormous proportions, which required a double mid-day bath. Bath assembly line = one baby in bean bag chair, one baby in tub, naked clean baby on towel, diaper, clothe, clean baby back in bean bag chair. Repeat.

-- I started packing up bottles: big boys and their cups. And yesterday they BOTH sat up long enough to be weighed at the doctor!

Wish I could say this was an abnormal day. But, it's pretty much the norm! :)

GMH

2010-05-14T07:23:00.001-05:00

GMH stands for "Gives Me Hope" (http://www.givesmehope.com/). On this site, people post twitter-length stories that, well, give them hope. We all know I can't stay within a character limit, so here's our "GMH" from Wednesday during our trip to Shriner's Hospital this week:

Shriner's in Shreveport is only an hour from our house, and we learned very quickly that this is a hu-mongo blessing. Many families travel long distances (Oklahoma, Alabama, Arkansas) to get the very specialized pediatric orthopedic care Shriner's offers. We go to Shriner's for this very reason -- they host a monthly clinic just for kids with spina bifida. These folks have seen it all, and their experience is invaluable; nobody knows much about spina bifida, but they DO!

So, back to our GMH. Retirement is supposed to be a "withdrawal from an active working life," but this week at Shriner's, we met four gentlemen who are using their retirement to do a pretty amazing service. They accompany children with their parent to the Shriner's Hospital. They may drive them or take them on a flight. Apparently, each Shrine Temple has a team of people whose job it is to make sure kids from their area can get to the hospital they need, whether that's the burn center in Galveston or Cincinnati, or the orthopedic hospital here in Shreveport.

I don't know a THING about what Masons are or what the Shriners might do in their "secret" meetings, but I can tell you, we sat with a 60-something guy who told us that once he could spare the time during retirement, he just knew he wanted to become a driver: " . . . to get these kids to the hospital!" What will WE do with our retirement?

These guys GMH.

Thoughts

2010-05-04T14:36:00.000-05:00

My friend Angela's post today was "Deep Thoughts", and they were sort of her thoughts before heading to bed. So, inspired by Angela, here are my thoughts right now.

I am thinking:

I'm not completely sure I can handle the kids by myself all day every day this summer.

It is difficult to find a part-time nanny who can handle my kids.

My final grades are due Monday at noon. And that I should have gotten to them by now.

How much I like mozzarella cheese, fresh tomatoes, and basil, especially all together.

Jack just ate the equivalent of a whole ham and cheese sandwich.

I would really love to take at least a short vacation this summer. Doesn't look like it will be to the Gulf.

The boys are finally getting physical therapy at least weekly now.

About Ellie's birthday coming up. I love celebrating with family, and just seeing the look in her eyes when she realizes everyone came over just for HER!

About pulling out our big inflatable pool and starting to live in the yard for the summer.

I should have planned ahead to drive south for Mother's Day. Sorry, Mama.

The heat and humidity from the weekend are a sign of things to come. Blech.

Wow, Wow Wubzy is a really stupid kid's show.

That's all I got.

Becoming a Speaker, a Signifier, a First-Person Subject!

2010-04-30T21:54:00.002-05:00

Jack is now talking! He and his sweet brother have both been making noises for quite some time like "da da da" or "bah bah bah", but Woody came up with his first official word -- "Uh Oh" -- about a month ago. He uses it in the correct context and on queue, so we call that a word. "Bye Bye" followed closely behind, along with blowing kisses with a hearty "Mah!"

Jack has decided to wait until this week to assert himself as a speaker of words. He started with "Yeah." It's really very sweet. He can tell by our tone when we are asking a question, and he'll chime in with a loud "Yeah!" From there, he began realizing that he gets a lot of positive attention when he makes new sounds, and especially if he repeats a real word. And boy, did he get a reaction when he used a word that meant something in context, like "yeah." He now says "E-I-E-I"; yes, as in "E-I-E-I-O". And he's been calling me "Boom Boom", but we're not sure how he got that out of "Mama".

Isn't it amazing how empowering it is to communicate? Yes; Jack has been communicating through gestures and screaming in pain or in excitement, but through language, a list of new possibilities opens up. We can object to ideas, agree with ideas. and even express our own ideas. Jack is becoming his own subject! I know I'm a nerd, but that's pretty cool, right? My babies are all, indeed, little people.

Stuff People Never Told Me about Being a Mom

2010-04-21T08:29:00.003-05:00

Shame on all all of you! Why didn't you tell me these things? Kidding. I had a little poor me day this week, and I was thinking about how hard it is to be a mom. I mean, seriously. Nobody ever fully explained this, dang it. Well, ok, maybe they did and I wasn't listening. I guess that's possible ;) But, once I got over myself and thought about my life more honestly and objectively, of course I stopped whining and realized how incredibly blessed we are. But, just for kicks, I still made a list (boy, oh boy, do I love lists!) of what nobody tells you about being a mom:

1. Babies do not come to you in your timing, and it's not so simple to have a baby.

I mean, you just stop taking a pill or whatever, right? Nope. Took us 2 years to have Ellie, and then BAM, she was 18 months old and we were pregnant with twins! NOT in my timing. Not in the least. I have several friends with the same story -- trouble having kids, having kids when they weren't exactly in their well-crafted plans, etc. The up side: we're never really ready, anyway, and we have to learn eventually that we are not in charge here. You learn that real quick when life comes at you full force.

2. It's not a given that your kids will be perfectly healthy and come right home from the hospital.

I've gotten this one out of my system already, but I can't help but reflect. I NEVER thought for a second about having kids with special medical needs. Never. Why would you? That would be pretty depressing. My boys are so fun, and I know we can handle this with a lot of prayer. But I find myself wanting to stop young couples on the street, who might be taking the idea of having a kid so lightly and say (in the sweetest and most loving way possible), "Have you ever thought, just for a minute, that you might be getting more than what you're bargaining for? That your kids will need your constant care and support beyond the normal 18 years? That what you think you want now might change dramatically once you bring that baby home? Oh, and that you might be bringing TWO of them home?" I'm sure they would listen to me and not think I was a crazy lady.

3. You will never feel like you are doing it right. You will always question yourself. And that's actually normal and ok.

For me, realizing this has been very therapeutic. Where are my kids right now, you ask? All three are behind me on the big bed watching TV and eating Cheetos. At 8 AM. Yep. Judge away, but they're happy and so am I. I try to trust the doctors, physical therapists, teachers, and whoever else gives us advice about what's best for the kids, and they do give us a lot of valuable tips. But I know my kids the best -- I have to go with my gut about what's best, what's just not a good idea for us as a family, and what they need the most. They need to feel important, strong, kind, and smart. Keeping them safe, healthy, and happy comes first, and the rest, well, we'll figure it out (I hope).

4. Your heart always feels divided, no matter where you are:

If I'm at work, part of my heart is at home.
If I'm out to eat with Chris, part of my heart is where the kids are.
If I'm at home and Chris is at work, part of my heart is with him.
If my boys are with me, but Ellie's away, part of my heart is with her.
If I'm home with the kids, part of my heart wants to be reading a good book, writing, or just being quiet.

You don't miraculously lose your need to be an individual when you have kids. Instead, I've just learned to deal with a constant ache, sort of, like I'm never fully in one piece. Of course, some days are the best of all worlds -- family time, husband time, alone time, work time -- but seriously, how often do those planets align?

5. Your ability to feel emotions goes, like, crazy off the charts, man: Times 100 once you have kids:

pride, fear, sadness, hope,

relief, love, hate, joy, disappointment,

excitement, amazement, compassion,

contentment, defeat, and of course, surprise

Who knew?

Good Times, Noodle Salad

2010-04-05T10:19:00.005-05:00

Today, I'm thinking about some good stuff from a fun-filled three-day Easter weekend . . .

Friday:
Daddy is off of work! We took a family trip to the Alexandria Zoo, where we saw monkeys, lions, pelicans, snakes, a jaguar, a cougar, a white tiger, huge turtles, flamingoes, peacocks, macaws, eagles, crocodiles, alligators, otters, raccoons, a fox, deer, tapirs (way bigger and uglier than on Diego, lemme tell you), porcupines, kookaburras, and lots of huge carp. We all did great, which was a pleasant surprise. Well, Woody did NOT like the macaws squawking so loudly. Had our only little meltdown over those pesky birds.

But, of course, Ellie's favorite parts were the Cheetos at lunch and the train ride. And Jack loved the train! He flapped his arms (danced) and waved at everyone as we passed by. So cute. It was a lovely day to be outside. Glad we got to go before the real Louisiana heat ensues. My highlight: Chris and Ellie were noses to the glass looking for the lions, right when a lioness passed directly in front of them. Scared the poop out of them! Now that's good stuff.

Saturday:
I was headed to the wedding of a dear college friend 2 1/2 hours away and to do some spring/summer clothes shopping for the kids, so Daddy was on duty. Well, Chris likes to be on the go, so first they had an egg hunt at church, which Ellie said was a lot of fun: balloon animals and egg decorating, and of course candy, lots and lots of candy. Then, they headed to KFC, their favorite non-Mommy eating spot. After a nap and a neighborhood walk (Ellie rode her bicycle the entire time!), they dyed eggs, had supper and baths and went to bed.

Exhausting, I'm sure. Chris is the "Wonder-Dad", always there to save the day. I had a wonderful time at the wedding and found some good deals in Shreveport/Bossier. Maybe, just maybe, these clothes will survive into the summer. A girl can dream.

Sunday:
Resurrection Sunday was here, so it's time to get to church! We all enjoyed celebrating what Jesus Christ has done for us. Gives me tremendous hope to talk about life everlasting and victory over death and over these feeble bodies of ours. Praise God. After Bible study, I volunteered in the nursery, but I ended up holding both of my own boys for most of the morning, since they thought I was leaving every time I put them down, rotten babies.

Then, a drive to Zwolle for lunch and fun with the Maw Maws, Paw Paw, and even some cousins! I miss my family terribly when I can't make it on a holiday. Just don't get to see Mama, Nene, and the girls enough :( But Chris's family is just wonderful, so of course we always enjoy visiting with them. Highlight: Woody showing off and "talking" to everybody, especially Paw Paw Travis. Sweet boy. And strawberry shortcake: nom nom nom.

Monday is Here: So long, weekend. Even though it's my Spring Break from work, we'll have a busy week with no Nanny Nicole. So far, so good . . . coffee cup cheers to a great week ahead!

Simple Woman?

2010-03-17T11:41:00.001-05:00

I'm not convinced those words describe me (ok; I'm almost sure they do not), but I do love the idea of finding beauty and joy in the simple things of life, so here is my "Simple Woman's Daybook" for today ~ March 17, 2010

Outside my window ~ lovely and perfect -- sunny blue skies and a delicate breeze

Around the house ~ sleeping babies and their big sister at preschool, so quiet and strange

I am thankful for ~ every day bringing a new beginning.

Pondering these words ~ "I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also." This scripture has opened up a new perspective for me. Thanks, Tina, for posting it.

I am remembering~ that today is my little cousin Lindsay's birthday and that I didn't call our nephew Grant on Monday to wish him a happy birthday!

Looking forward to ~ hopefully a girly trip to St. Francisville this weekend to tour old homes and visit with my aunts, cousins, sister, mom, and maw maw.

I am noticing ~ that I have a terrible time focusing on my work lately.

I am thinking ~ about budgets, schedules, and details for the summer.

From the kitchen ~ perogies and italian sausage tonight, but maybe beef enchiladas? I need to eat some breakfast, too. It's almost 10:30!

I am going ~ to pick up Ellie at 12. I sure miss that girl. She told me I was her "family" this morning.

I am hoping ~ to get the boys started with more regular and more intense physical therapy this week.

One of my favorite things ~ coffee, really. This may seem like a trivial answer, but it makes my morning every day and has become a close friend with its warmth and darkly roasted goodness.

I am reading ~ The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey. His discussion of Christ's Judaism and the historical and cultural backdrop for his birth are really eye-opening. Just starting The Help, by Kathryn Stockett (thanks, Mama). Also, I'm teaching Tennessee Williams next week, so re-reading The Glass Menagerie, which is deeply disturbing but magical and relatable, too, somehow.

*I just saw online (I added this one) ~Teva sandals I will definitely buy for my birthday in July:

A picture (or two, or three. . .) thought to share ~

This week's birthday cousin rockin' out at Jack and Woody's birthday extravaganza:

My sweet boys helping with the laundry:

Choose Joy,
Mariann

Firsts

2010-02-28T16:14:00.000-06:00

When you have kids under three in the house, you have "firsts" almost every day, but here are several of the coolest ones lately:

1. Snow -- Even though it isn't common in the Deep South, Ellie has seen the white stuff before, and we even had it "stick" recently. But this snow was a REAL one. It covered everything -- about 5-6 inches. She decided to taste it, walk in it, and throw it. Her conclusion: snow is cold, so we should go inside now!

The night it started coming down -- playing with Daddy:

View from the front door the next morning:

Backyard

Now, that's a "snowball" -- yummy, with a side of gross.

Woody wasn't as impressed:

2. Saints WIN! Who Dat, Indeed! The boys will grow up thinking it's normal for the Saints to win a Super Bowl -- can you imagine?

And yes, Woody has a handful of Ellie's pig tail. . .

3. Taco Bell and Mardi Gras -- Ellie spent the weekend with her Zwolle Maw Maw and Paw Paw, so the boys experienced two firsts in one -- Natchitoches's . . . um . . . modest Mardi Gras parade and dinner at Taco Bell. They love cinnamon twists. Not so crazy about beads flying at their heads. Woody's thought process: "Sometimes I wonder why those beads keep getting bigger; then it hits me."

Jack

Woody (I know -- looks like the same picture)

4. Computer Games -- Maw Maw Judy told us about starfall.com, and it took Ellie about 2 minutes to learn how to point and click to play the ABC game. We may have created a monster:

5. Tea Party -- Ellie calls real dishes "breakables" and thought it was very cool that I let her play with them and have a breakfast tea party with Jack this week. All she talks about lately is tea parties, so it was definitely time.

and finally . . .

6. BIRTHDAYS! -- Woody and Jack will turn 1 next week (March 9th), and we're planning a fun "Rock Guitar Star" party for friends and family on Saturday (wish we lived closer to all of them). We are incredibly blessed, and we're overjoyed that Woody didn't have surgery this week -- would have made for a lousy celebration. Thanks, God, for that one. All of the love and support we've experienced this year makes this a very special day for us to enjoy with our sweet boys.

Little Rock Stars! Jack on the left, Woody on the right

Jack Travis one year ago:

Woody James:

Isaiah 43:19

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland."

Lamentations 3:22-24
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

The Aftermath

2010-01-22T08:27:00.004-06:00

That title seems timely, considering the terrible disaster in Haiti last week. I was actually thinking of the crazy wacky wild holidays finally being over and my home life getting back into a routine, but as I typed that, my heart and mind quickly turned to the people grieving, hurting, and struggling in Haiti. Prayer. Money. Good thoughts to them.

So, back to our happy home. Christmas tree is now down, which is sort of like packing away an old friend. I find the glow of the tree so calming. Maybe I'll put up lights year-round -- but that would take away some of the magic of the holidays. Never mind. But if we get too upset missing the tree, we can just look over at the dining room, which is where it still lies . . . in the box. . . in a pile of the rest of the decorations still not stored away. I'm over it. Is my cluttered living area an issue of eternal significance? Nope. Oh, and neither is designing a visually appealing blog, apparently (soon, soon).

OK; I think in lists quite a bit, so here are the top ten crazy/fun/silly/exciting/terrible happenings of the last month or so:

1. Roadtrip #1: Christmas with the Haygoods. My great-grandmother Nettie "Mama" Haygood left this legacy, which is an annual family reunion in December for the families of her 6 children. Yes, it's a crowd, and a roadtrip to Liberty, MS. Even though most of the younger folks are ready to just eat and run after they arrive, some of us (me me me) enjoy at least getting to set eyes on the extended family and catch up a little. We hadn't made it to this gathering in several years (before any kids), so this was a treat for me. An ornament exchange is part of the tradition, and most of our ornaments we pull out each year came from the "Haygood Christmas."

2. 6 of my colleagues were laid off just before Christmas due to the state budget woes. Dang it. There are no words for the state of higher education or the state of, well, the state. But, come on, people. Isn't there another way?

3. Christmas with the Wilsons was at our house again this year, and Ellie discovered again how much she loves all her "tuzzins" and her Maw Maw "Fansiss", who read us the Christmas story from the book of Matthew. I really enjoyed looking around at our family and all the kids as they were listening to her read. In the middle of the toys, feast, and decorations, we all sat still and listened to Maw Maw read from the Bible. Good stuff. New tradition: I sure hope so. No pictures -- too busy being the hostess, I guess, although I didn't do much.

4. Roadtrip #2: Christmas with the Noonans/Alvarados/DuConges, and eventually the Perkins'. Shrimp and corn chowdaaaaaaa. Bubba's spicy rice dressing. Maw Maw P's seafood gumbo. Desserts-a-plenty. Ellie rediscovers more "tuzzins" -- even more girls! We had an impromptu marching band all around Nene's living room. Do I love that my family will be silly with my kids, too? Yes, yes, I do.

5. We spent way too much on our 7th anniversary get-away, but man, it was worth the money. We stayed at The Parc England Hotel and ate at Bistro on the Bayou. Shrimp, crab cakes, dessert, ooh la la. I just realized how much of this post is about food. We just relaxed and went shopping at Hasting's and Goodwill. We even found a big girl bike for Ellie . . . for 3 dollars!

6. I found myself ringing in the new year all alone. Sounds depressing, doesn't it? Well, think again. I put the boys down to sleep, and since Ellie and her Daddy went to Zwolle to pop fire crackers and see Maw Maw and Paw Paw, I had the house to myself after 8 PM! What in the world to do? Watch a movie and fall asleep before it ends AND before 2010 arrives in the Central timezone. Great night.

7. So, Jack can roll over now from front to back -- on purpose. Well, for the physical therapist, anyway. He did it over and over for her, but doesn't always perform when I'm playing with him. The little brat. :)

8. The boys are still giving us fits with eating baby food. But they love red beans, mashed potatoes and gravy, and banana pudding. I think we're fighting a losing battle. Bring on the big people food.

9. We have also stumbled into a cool new schedule where the boys nap opposite but both sleep all night. At first, I was all "what the heck? I will never get anything done." But I've come to really enjoy the one-on-one play times with the boys. They share everything, so why not have mom to themselves occasionally?

10. Roadtrip #3: New Orleans and the Children's Museum. My UHMAZING husband's idea: Ellie and I head out of town while he and the boys go look at muscle cars at the World of Wheels. Didn't I marry well? I got to visit some wonderful ~~old~~ longtime friends, and have loads of great imaginative fun at the Louisiana Children's Museum with Ellie, Maw Maw Judy, and Nene (and yes, more of the tuzzins Chloe and Briana). And oh yeah, King Cake from Randazzos. . . .. . . sinful and wonderful. Listening to David Sadaris's "Santaland Diaries" on the way down south (which my aforementioned amazing husband downloaded to his IPOD for me) = icing on the yummy cake.

11. And a little lagniappe from today. Ellie saw the sun sparkling on Cane River this morning and shouted from the backseat: "The water looks like popcorn . . . dancing!"

Choose Joy,
Mariann

December 3rd

2009-12-03T15:43:00.000-06:00

Today is December 3rd, 2009, and exactly one year ago today, Chris and I had a terrible lunch at McCallister's Deli in Shreveport. No, the food wasn't bad. It was just the random location where we began to recover from a heart-breaking doctor's visit. We found out that day that the unborn twins I was carrying both had a permanently disabling birth defect called Spina Bifida.

What we were thinking THEN:

This is not fair. People have perfectly healthy babies every day. I have never smoked or even been a drinker. Young girls pop babies out all the time and don't even get pre-natal care. Some people don't even want their beautiful babies, and ours were PLANNED! Is it cruel to make them face a life full of challenges and health issues? Will they even make it? What quality of life will they have? Will they ever be independent? What have we done to Ellie (our then 18 month old)? Will she hate us for bringing home these special babies? How will we do this?

What we are thinking NOW:

Look at those perfect little chunky monkeys. They bring us joy every single day, and yes, it's tough sometimes. So far, other than a few surgeries and more doctor's visits than anyone would want to make, our lives are basically . . . . dare I say it? Normal. This is our new normal, and we are ok -- better than ok. Our boys, Jack and Woody, have taught us to focus on what matters, and fuhgettabout the rest of it. Looking back, I needed to be reminded of what life is really about, and it's not about being this smiling family of three on a white couch in matching Christmas sweaters. And it's not about living in a large and perfectly decorated home with an impressive financial portfolio. It's about people. Family. Love and laughter. Accepting one another and forgiving one another. Being a friend when someone's hurting. And keeping your mouth shut when you think you know better than them. It's about loving God and each other. If life isn't an adventure, then what's the point?

Updates at 8 months old:
Woody is eating from a spoon -- veggies, fruits, smooshy big people food, etc. He has one tooth finally, and he has had a little cold lately but has otherwise been a very healthy little man. We are excited about his progress with head and trunk control in physical therapy. He has been grasping much better and "da-da"ing up a stinkin' storm! We will follow up with the urologist, as Woody is having a little trouble emptying his bladder lately, but we'll take one day at a time.

Jack refuses to eat from a spoon and just wants his bottle, even though he has 3, going on 4, teeth! He is able to sit supported for a few minutes and has rolled from his belly to his back a couple times. He loves his toys and has also been making lots of adorable babbles like "ba-ba", "da-da," and "ma-ma"! We had a little scare with the respiratory funk last month, but after some breathing treatments, he perked right back up after a few days.

Both boys have leg movements at times, and they are starting to use their upper legs more and more to move and kick. We have high hopes for these two -- they are very social and very lovable. Ellie is a proud big sister, who loves to make her "boys" smile and laugh. She finds Woody's paci when he needs it and asks where they are as soon as she comes into the house. She knows they're here to stay, and she thinks that's ok!

No matter what medical stuff we might face in the future, we are so happy to have our family just as they are -- so perfect and so special.

Stuff

2009-11-17T15:53:00.002-06:00

I was watching a reality show last night (yes, occasionally I get to watch tv once the kids are down). The family on the show decided to go camping for the weekend, so the mom was making sure they had all the gear for the trip. They were going up to the Hood River area of Oregon where they could wind surf, but for the camping part, they just needed the usual: tents, sleeping bags, lanterns. She started off looking in a barn, and climbed up a ladder to look in this one HUGE area of their storage . . . wrong barn. After trying one more barn and two storage sheds, all filled with boxes, plastic containers, and huge shelves of stuff, she found the tents in yet another storage shed behind the house. The mom started getting frustrated since there were four of five tents piled in there, but the first few she found were missing poles, dirty, or hard to get to. Eventually she just got disgusted and yelled for her four kids to get into the mini-van to go to a sporting goods store. Yep -- they bought two NEW tents and new sleeping bags for all five people, since theres were "getting run down" anyway.

This got me thinking. And got me a little convicted.

You can probably finish this blog in your head -- it's materialism. Stuff. Stuff to hold other stuff. Stuff to store stuff. Stuff to clean stuff. Stuff to make a list of the stuff. Stuff on top of the old stuff. New stuff. We have closets of stuff we haven't looked through in years. I found a box under the bed a few months ago from our move to this house . . . almost five years ago. I hadn't opened it since then.

The other day I had the luxury of wasting time in a flea market, and this place was PACKED with stuff. Forgotten stuff. Stuff that seems to no longer have value to most people. Odd dishes, toys, tablecloths, coffee mugs, cd players, posters, puzzles, candleholders, old video gaming systems, VHS tapes -- old stuff. There was also a room with new stuff (stolen? I won't guess). $75 purses, bags, and wallets -- girly stuff. Decorative stuff -- clocks, wall hangings, ocean breeze scented decorative potpourri balls in a bowl-- sheesh. While I was there a guy traded his own cell phone on the spot for a used amp and speaker system for his car -- those ones that "boom boom" your headache into existence on the way home from work at the red light.

We also started our Christmas shopping this past weekend. Chris and I had our first night away with no kids in 8 months! It was very nice, and we discovered that Lebanon can keep their food (not a big fan of kibbe with burghul -- blech), but we figured we'd fit Chrismas shopping into our day out. First stop: Toys 'R Us -- a.k.a. "Stuffville" for kids. It was so overwhelming in there. Stuff piled up so high, multiple employees are stocking, locating, and climbing nonstop to get the stuff to you. They talk to one another on walkie-talkies to help you find the stuff you want. We saw a little boy kicking and screaming at his parents, while, at the very same time, they were trying to find help to get a $400 Cadillac Escalade motorized riding toy down from this shelf. For this same kid. For Christmas. The kicking one. The one screaming at them to "shut up."

It's all just overwhelming sometimes, isn't it? I've heard lots of people talking about moving stuff out or packing stuff up to make room for the new stuff they'll get for Christmas. A lot of families have scaled down the gift giving this year since many of us are still a little on edge over the economy, but scaling down for most will still include a pretty obscene amount of stuff.

I love giving gifts, although I'm not the best shopper; I love getting gifts (I've found a new perfume I like -- Bath and Body Works "Velvet Tuberose" if you're taking notes); I absolutely love the look on a kid's face when he opens a toy that seems too good to be true; I hope Ellie loves her dollhouse. But after watching that woman on the tv show dig through piles of stuff only to decide that her stuff wasn't good enough and she should go buy newer, better stuff, I felt like I was drowning in stuff. Maybe we can make just a few changes to stop, or at least slow, the "Cycle of Stuff". Even if we can ignore the less fortunate in our own country, not to mention the much greater needs in less developed countries, it's also just not logical to accumulate tons of stuff, only to discover we can't afford to buy the steak to eat off of our new Christmas china.

So, instead of buying an Inflatable Nativity Scene:

or a Snowman Toilet Cover . . .

This Christmas, maybe we should save that money and give it in the name of Jesus to someone next door or across the globe who would think they hit the jackpot if I gave them all the crap in my storage shed I don't even know is there. Not preaching to anyone besides me. Just saying.

Bed Head

2009-11-06T08:06:00.000-06:00

Ellie's ridiculous morning hair strikes again!

"I Feel Like I'm Falling for Fall"

2009-10-28T08:05:00.000-05:00

This title is the name of a song they've been playing on NickJr, and I second that -- Fall is the best season, isn't it? I've been able to get the kids out without the heat driving us back inside after 10 minutes. But we are having a rather WET Fall so far, so we've had to sit and watch the rain a lot, too.

Speaking of the rain, I have always wanted to be one of those prepared people.

She has an umbrella ready, maybe even rain boots. The one with her cute little stainless steel water bottle hooked to an adorable backpack, and healthy treats stored in cute containers stacked neatly in the pantry for the little ones. Kleenex and moist wipes tucked into a trendy diaper bag for use when she's in Walmart. She gets up early to eat a healthy breakfast, read her Bible, load up the crockpot with an amazing new dinner recipe -- nutritious and inexpensive, of course -- and take a long relaxing shower to prepare for the day. Last night's leftovers stored in a tidy tupperware box, so she can pull it out and stand in line for the microwave in the faculty lounge. Homemade babyfood lining the refrigerator shelves labeled with the date and contents. Laundry hamper with cute titles like "Daddy's Duds." All three kids' outfits lying neatly on the bed waiting for little hands and feet to jump in. Hats and gloves labeled and safety-pinned to their coordinating jackets for easy locating. Maybe before they head out the door, she'll pull out one of the ziploc bags holding a craft project she's prepared ahead for an afternoon activity . . .

I want to be her, but I am resigned to be:

The mom who drops the two-year-old at preschool and discovers she forgot to wipe the oatmeal of her face but has no wipes in the van or the bag, and notices her jacket's getting a little too snug. And wasn't she supposed to bring a pack of pull-ups today? Gets soaking wet getting back into the car because she didn't watch the weather and had no clue it was supposed to storm. Arrives at work and thinks seriously about buying a one dollar bottle of water and maybe a cup of coffee, too, since she still hasn't located her favorite travel mug. I bet it's under the seat in the van -- everything ends up there. But, she reconsiders, due to the guilt of being environmentally and financially irresponsible. Instead, she steals a small cup of coffee from her office neighbor and heads into her office. She hears her stomach rumbling . . . breakfast. She knew she forgot something. . . hmmm. A pack of trail mix in the drawer will do, and she'll just use her precious work time to read a quick devotional thought or listen to a Christian podcast. So glad she took a quick bath with the rowdy little one last night, or her officemate might request a transfer. She takes a second to call the babysitter because she thinks she left the iron on and wants to remind her to keep the key handy since the garage door is broken. The twins need a bath, too; they didn't get one last night, but she thinks they're out of baby wash. Oh and can she pull a pound of hamburger out of the freezer -- not sure what she'll make for supper with it, but she'll figure it out when she gets home. ..

A Case of the Mondays

2009-10-13T15:33:00.000-05:00

There are two "myths" I know for sure are true (well, surely more than that, but still):

1. The Full Moon Thing.

I know -- "luna"tics, "luna"cy, werewolves. . . heck, pagans have a holiday for the full moon, don't they? It shouldn't be true, but it just is, so hush. Kid not sleeping well tonight? E.R. full of people with crazy weird injuries? Betcha it's a full moon. . . if you've ever been a teacher, a mom, or a healthcare provider, you believe me. Maybe it's the atmosphere or the devil or whatever, but full moon=craziness at night, man. HOWWWWWL!

2. The Mondays.

We've all had them -- days that just stink. They start off badly, they end badly, and we lose it at some point and want to curl back up in the bed and try getting up again and start over. And those days . .. lemme just ask. . . aren't they always Mondays? I had one yesterday. I wrote to a dear friend that my day this past Monday was frightful, but probably could be entertaining to someone on the outside looking in. So, why not . . .

This past Monday, I woke up and felt like poopie to begin with (Woody was up at 12, 3, 5), but I actually had Ellie up, the boys changed and fed, and I was halfway ready myself by 7, which is pretty good for us. We had an appointment for Woody in Bossier City at the neurosurgeon to follow-up on his second shunt revision (BOOOO), but my appointment card showed a date and no time. I figured I'd just call on the way to be sure -- they always make it some time between 9 and 10 anyway.

We got in the car at 8. . . no gas. Of course. Gassed up, and ready to go (late). I grabbed my coffee cup (coffeee. . . . . .glorious coffeeeeee) and it was a cup I don't usually use. Yep. I was drinking from the wrong part of the cup. The boiling-freaking-hot coffee came out and poured down my chin onto my chest (all while I was driving through town). I squealed and tried not to wreck my mini-van. I wondered what to do (I felt like I had been showered in acid). My face in the rearview mirror looked like I had been laying out at the beach and forgot to put sunscreen on my chin, neck, and chest -- no lie. I was beet red, not to mention I was going to a place of business with coffee all down my front. Do I need to get first aid ointment of some type? Where could I stop? I'd have to get both babies out of the car to do that, and we're late. Crud. Oh well, surely it'll be ok.

On I-49 about 8:15 (several miles north of town) I called the doc to check on the appointment time. No answer. That's odd, I thought. Try again. No answer. I let it ring through to the answering service: "Ma'am, they're closed today for Columbus Day."

Columbus Day? Really? Some Italian mistakenly lands in the Bahamas centuries ago and suddenly I'm on the interstate with twins for no reason? So, instead, we go to physical therapy (which I had cancelled for my non-existant appointment in Shreveport). The boys cry all the way through their session (30 bucks co-pay down the drain), since they were grumpy and tired from being in their carseats for 40 minutes -- FOR NO REASON -- either that or they were frightened by the jacked up appearance of their coffee-burnt caregiver.

Still don't believe in the Mondays?

There's a Two-Year-Old in the House

2009-09-22T10:01:00.000-05:00

Ellie is quite the comedian these days, but not on purpose. Everything she comes up with makes us scratch our heads. Some of you who have ever had a two-year-old in the house will remember how cute this stage is. Here is a top ten list of crazies for this week:

10. We were riding in the van to go to "school", and she noticed the clouds: "Mommy, look . . . clouds in a sky! . . . That one is a parrot." How does she come up with that?

9. She knew I had to leave to go to work one day, and she started to get upset and wanted to go with me. I told her I was going to the doctor. . . she looked over at the babysitter and said "I stay with Nicole!"

8. We were in Walmart, and I had to pick up a baby seat I ordered online. We had to go back to the "Site to Store" which is the very back (where layaway used to be). When we walked back there, Ellie started screaming and saying she wanted to leave -- real tears, shaking, the whole nine yards. All I can figure is that she thought I was really sneaking her into a doctor's office -- she thought the ladies are nurses since they had on the blue vests . . . she really has a phobia! What do we do when we have to go to the dentist or get booster shots??

7. I was chopping onions to cook for our dinner, and she walked up and demanded some. I said, "Onions?" And she replied, "Yes." Well, I don't really have to describe what happened when I let her take a big bite! I guess she thought they were like apples.

6. She has a habit of digging out stuff in the computer desk, and one of her favorite treasures is paper of any type. I asked her to bring a book to me for bed time one night, and she brought me one of her favorites about all the animals going to sleep. When we started reading, every page had an index card inserted in it. We collected about 15 before we were finished.

5. She attempted to paint her fingernails and toenails, while (again) I was preocuppied with Jack and Woody. She managed to do a pretty good job; well, she got one finger and one toe finished before I discovered her! So, instead of making a big deal, I told her I would paint them for her, but she informed me that "Mommy no paint toes. Nene paint toes." Well, get to walking to Covington, Ellie. (Her aunt Janine lives down south, and I guess she thought only her Nene could do that).

4. She loves to go out to eat, but with the boys being part of the family now, we never get to do that anymore. Every time we drive through, go in to get take-out, or even drive by a restaurant, she asks in the sweetest little voice, "Ellie go WIN?" I hate having to tell her we can't. . . maybe one day, sister.

3. She likes watching football with her Daddy (well, he likes to think so). Whenever the players line up, she says "Set . . Go!" and runs across the living room. She calls EVERY sport involving a ball "baseball." Some of the time sees right. Oh well.

2. She looked up at the sunflower wallpaper border in our kitchen one morning, and with wide eyes, she began this little conversation:

Ellie: "Pumas, Mommy!"
Mama: "What, Baby?"
Ellie: "Pumas!"
Mama: "Where are the pumas, Ellie?"
Ellie: "Hiding behind the flowers!"

1. On the kitchen table, we have a basket, which is usually holding apples, oranges, or whatever fruit we have on hand. Ellie climbed on the table the other day while I was (once again) preoccupied with the twins, and took one bite out of every apple in the basket! I told her if she had asked, I'd have just given her an apple. She said, "Ohhh . . . OK."

Ellie, you crack me up.

Spiders and Such

2009-09-09T17:20:00.000-05:00

So I found three poisonous spiders on our back patio in the last week or so. . . yikes. One was a black widow, and two were brown widows. Have you ever heard of these? They're brown (obviously) and a little smaller and more venomous than the black variety (yay). Apparently, all spiders are "poisonous," but these dudes are like the Godfathers of the other ones. You could actually die from a bite if you don't get to the hospital stat, and lots of people don't realize exactly what's happened unless they see the darn thing. My rather attractive (alright, really good-looking) bug man told us there's not a whole heckuva lot we can do about them, since you have to have a "direct kill" to get rid of them. Inside the house looks uncontaminated by pests, but I have 3 little ones, so I didn't want to do the whole spray-the-heck-out-of-everything-just-in-case scenario. Instead, we tried to knock down any webs we could see, eliminate the environments they like -- underbrush, piles of things we haven't pulled out and used in a while, small dark places -- and if we see one, kill it (sorry little Italian mob bosses).

No more scary spiders so far, but it did get me thinking about the habits of these bugs. They are reclusive, and they don't bite unless provoked. They also let everyone know they're evil with the red/orange areas on either their backs or bellies. It's like a "don't mess with me, sucka" warning sign. If only the other evil in the world were so courteous. Don't you see people who get caught up in terrible stuff? Unknowingly, they're lured in and take the bait. Then, months later, they are in a pickle. Friends of ours got sucked into a sales idea that's pretty much a pyramid deal (you know -- get your friends to sell this and you can just sit back and watch the money roll in -- right). I know, you thought I was going for drug abuse, alcoholism, or insert deep dark sin here, and I guess that's true too. But I'm thinking of the other evil out there. The way your brain starts to accept backward ideas about things and you don't realize you are becoming a different person. Maybe it's a certain person's opinion or an entire world view that seems innocent enough. One day you wake up and realize all the time you've lost being an idiot. Maybe it's just me. At least widow spiders give you a heads up, that's all I'm saying. You're know you're messin' with danger with those little boogers.

On a very unrelated but more upbeat note, my little boys are now 6 months old! Their aunt Neen called to wish them a happy 1/2 birthday yesterday, and until then I had sort of forgotten. I try so hard not waste energy worrying about them -- they're in God's hands, and they are little miracles no matter what happens. Jack has started to really get into his toys, and Woody's slowly getting to be himself again after surgery. I can't wait to start their physical therapy -- we've waited so long to get that started. I know Ellie is excited she can make them laugh and keep them happy now. She won't know what to think when they start to become more mobile. She calls them both Jack . . . half the time she's right!

6 months old . . . half a year . . . 182.621099 days . . . I just read an article about a guy who was sentenced to six months in jail for yawning. He was in court and charged with contempt (he wasn't even on trial). Wow. What would he have gotten if he had farted? Sorry.

This was also the first week of Ellie's preschool. She absolutely loves it; she tries to tell me everything she does, and I don't understand a word of it, since she talks so fast. All I can catch is that she "pways with fwends" and "take tuhns." Chris can recall going to Pre-K and telling his mom he would "go to school forever". It's so true -- if not school, then work . . . for the rest of your life. What's with the long sentence? It's not like we yawned in court.

Hospitalpalooza

2009-09-01T11:47:00.001-05:00

Woody had a vp shunt revision last Thursday, so we were in the hospital one night. Then, after we were home for an hour, we went back due to him vomiting 3 times. After a lengthy ER experience to be readmitted (that could be a book, lemme tell you -- inmates, seizure girl, riding in the elevator with all the sickest kids in Shreveport, you name it) we settled on "residual effects of anesthesia" and headed home. He's doing ok today -- still a little spaced out, but basically happy and healthy. We really know how blesed we are, but feel free to please constantly remind us. :) (no sarcasm)

So, did you know that some grown people still color in coloring books? They do. I'm not sure if it's therapeutic or what, but I don't get it. Crossword puzzles are my choice in the hospital. You don't have to think about anything else, and tv is stupid mostly. But coloring books? I would feel like a conformist coloring neatly in the lines. How creative can you really get? Those are more like search-a-words -- so boring. No offense intended if you are like a state-champion search-a-worder.

Anyway, a girl at our local Walmart went to the hosptial thinking she had the flu, and a day later, she had a baby. No lie. I am trying to get her information so I can pass along some baby stuff. Can you imagine being at work one day, completely unaware you were pregnant, and then the next day, you have a new baby? It happened to a very close friend of our family, though. Had raw oysters on a Friday night, went to the hospital thinking food poisoning, and came home with my friend Angela. I bet it feels like a lobotomy. Like you're a completely different person from one day to the next. Our babysitter has a cousin who had her frontal lobe removed after a car accident. Her parents were excited she survived, and even more excited that she might be a nicer person now. Seriously.

Ellie is growing up - they say that can happen. She is speaking in complete sentences, mostly referring to herself in third person: "Ellie pee-pee in Ellie's shoe"; "Ellie eat the markers"; "Ellie no go nigh-night. Ellie pway." Yes, she did pee in her shoe and eat markers this week. I suck as a mom. She's so adorable that we forgive her for almost every no-no, as long as it makes us laugh. That's the general rule.

We might need to rethink that one, though.

I am, apparently, still suffering from sleep deprivation. Fold out couch-bed-chair thingies in the hospital are not cool.

Grateful

2009-08-17T20:45:00.000-05:00

I finally accomplished something. And it's a big one. I mailed out almost 100 thank you letters to all the amazing people who have supported us through the whole ordeal of pregnancy, diagnosis, birth, surgeries, and coming home with twin boys. This feels good for a number of reasons:

1. it perfectly fits my personality -- wait until it's ridiculously late, and then do it all at once while missing out on sleep rather than do a few a day and be done with it several months ago. Why I am like this? Actually, I know the answer -- the payoff is way more awesome. Example: 20 page paper due. Is it really satisfying to turn it in when you've written a page or two for months now, and last night, you really just did last minute edits and layout revisions? Sure, but not nearly as exciting as when you have been up for 32 hours straight, have had nothing to eat or drink except coffee and hard candies, and turned it in exactly 45 seconds before the absolute and firm deadline of 8 AM. What a rush!

2. it's the first thing I've acoomplished in a long time -- other than, you know, producing two babies and caring for them pretty much nonstop for the last five months. I am not what you would call "ambitious." Not in the least. It's a flaw, and I'm aware of it. I have no desire to do big things. I like normal stuff and a normal job and a normal day more than most. But, I think anyone can relate to wanting to accomplish something they set out to do. I really don't like all the "I"s in this paragraph. ahh, another one. It is rather self-centered to think like that. But isn't blogging pretty much by definition, self-centered? hmmm. So, back to the ambition thing. Laziness is very uncool, but is it ok that small accomplishments are enough for me? I feel pretty good to have this relatively simple task behind me.

3. it hopefully lets people know that we did feel the love they sent our way, and we are way more grateful than a five-month-old letter probably expresses. I am overwhelmed at the kindness of which people are capable. It makes me take a serious look at who needs some love right now from me. Who is in a dark place and could use just a little light to be able to find the way out? Is there a little something I could sacrifice that would add up to much more for someone in need? I am inspired by generosity, and it gives me hope for my little ones that the world may not be in quite the spiral of doom a lot of people think it is. I'm a Christ follower, and that's pretty much what it's all about: faith, hope, and love. But, you know what the greatest is, right?

Not a fun weekend. . .

2009-08-10T20:43:00.001-05:00

So, I could take a quiz on Facebook to see what kind of mom I am, but I already know. Answer: Often a little crazy. Sometimes too dramatic. Occasionally very fun.

We spent Friday and Saturday at LSU Medical Center with Woody man. It turned out basically to be nothing, but you know how the saying goes . . . better safe, right? Anyone who would read this probably knows that both twins (Jack and Woody, just turned 5 months) have Spina Bifida. Well, due to their hydrocephalus, they both also have vp shunts. On the Discussion Forum I go to often to talk about SB stuff, almost everyone has had their freak-out moments over shunt problems, and many times, that's all they are -- freak outs. I'm still not sure this was the case this time, but one thing's for sure: neurosurgeons are very important (they're sort of a big deal). Too important to come by to see us all day Saturday to let us know that Woody was fine and could go home. It was 7 o'clock before we saw them.

Woody is ok, by the way. He didn't have the classic and very scary symptoms of a shunt malfunction the books describe, but the short version is: his head circumference jumped up in two weeks, and his soft spot is quite full (not bulging, but very full). Worried mama took him to the local pediatrician, who sent us to the hospital clinic, who sent us to ct scan and then admitted us. Then, over 24 hours later, the neurosurgeons said: "He's a big boy with a big head." Okey dokey, then. It's not brain surgery, folks (bu-dum-bum-chhh).

Not a fun way to spend a weekend, but I feel like I did the right thing. I hope when these kids are all grown up, their friends will be all: "Dude, your mom is so cool." I'm sure by then this terminology will be dated (okay; it already is), but surely there will be something equivalent.

But I hope they'll also know that I would waste my life away in a horrific hospital room for no reason at all if it meant sparing them any amount of pain in the long run.

Long Time Coming

2009-08-03T21:34:00.000-05:00

I've really intended to do the "blogging" thing for quite a while now, but, like most things I intend to do, it never happened. Like, I intended to get thank-yous in the mail right after I came home with the boys. I also intended to read the four books I've bought this summer and to start writing every day. Oh yeah, and shed 50 lbs. That, too. What is it they say about the road to hell . . . why am I acting like I don't know the answer to that question?

Today was somewhat of a milestone for me, though, so I was inspired to start this, I guess. What milestone, you ask? Well, I was home all day, just me, the boys, and Ellie . . . and I didn't completely lose my ever-loving mind. Yep. That's the huge milestone. Gives you a picture of the last 5 months, doesn't it? Every week day, except on the random days I had friends or family in to help out (thanks so much to you all!), I have looked up at the clock thinking it just had to be close to 6:15 -- daddy arrival time -- to find out it was like 4:00. Today, I looked up to check the time, and it was already 6:00! WOW -- I made it all day without any meltdowns, thoughts of fleeing to the witness protection program, checking the phonebook for a local psychiatrist . . . ok you get it.

Chris walked in, and I was on the floor playing with the cutesy baby boys, Ellie was halfway watching Dora and playing with an empty breadcrumb can, and dinner was cooked and waiting on the stovetop. Seriously. I know Chris was relieved. He asked timidly when he came in from the garage, "Um. Can I go to the bathroom, or do you need me?" I said to him the words he's longed to hear for so long: "Sure. We're good." It was like the clouds had rolled back like a scroll and a voice boomed from heaven: "All is well, my son. Thou shalt go forth and pee freely, for today the heavens hath smiled upon thee."

Indeed, there is hope that we may both, one day, free peely . .er . . pee freely again. Amen.