Becoming a Speaker, a Signifier, a First-Person Subject!

Jack is now talking! He and his sweet brother have both been making noises for quite some time like "da da da" or "bah bah bah", but Woody came up with his first official word -- "Uh Oh" -- about a month ago. He uses it in the correct context and on queue, so we call that a word. "Bye Bye" followed closely behind, along with blowing kisses with a hearty "Mah!"

Jack has decided to wait until this week to assert himself as a speaker of words. He started with "Yeah." It's really very sweet. He can tell by our tone when we are asking a question, and he'll chime in with a loud "Yeah!" From there, he began realizing that he gets a lot of positive attention when he makes new sounds, and especially if he repeats a real word. And boy, did he get a reaction when he used a word that meant something in context, like "yeah." He now says "E-I-E-I"; yes, as in "E-I-E-I-O". And he's been calling me "Boom Boom", but we're not sure how he got that out of "Mama".

Isn't it amazing how empowering it is to communicate? Yes; Jack has been communicating through gestures and screaming in pain or in excitement, but through language, a list of new possibilities opens up. We can object to ideas, agree with ideas. and even express our own ideas. Jack is becoming his own subject! I know I'm a nerd, but that's pretty cool, right? My babies are all, indeed, little people.

Stuff People Never Told Me about Being a Mom

Shame on all all of you! Why didn't you tell me these things? Kidding. I had a little poor me day this week, and I was thinking about how hard it is to be a mom. I mean, seriously. Nobody ever fully explained this, dang it. Well, ok, maybe they did and I wasn't listening. I guess that's possible ;) But, once I got over myself and thought about my life more honestly and objectively, of course I stopped whining and realized how incredibly blessed we are. But, just for kicks, I still made a list (boy, oh boy, do I love lists!) of what nobody tells you about being a mom:

1. Babies do not come to you in your timing, and it's not so simple to have a baby.

I mean, you just stop taking a pill or whatever, right? Nope. Took us 2 years to have Ellie, and then BAM, she was 18 months old and we were pregnant with twins! NOT in my timing. Not in the least. I have several friends with the same story -- trouble having kids, having kids when they weren't exactly in their well-crafted plans, etc. The up side: we're never really ready, anyway, and we have to learn eventually that we are not in charge here. You learn that real quick when life comes at you full force.

2. It's not a given that your kids will be perfectly healthy and come right home from the hospital.

I've gotten this one out of my system already, but I can't help but reflect. I NEVER thought for a second about having kids with special medical needs. Never. Why would you? That would be pretty depressing. My boys are so fun, and I know we can handle this with a lot of prayer. But I find myself wanting to stop young couples on the street, who might be taking the idea of having a kid so lightly and say (in the sweetest and most loving way possible), "Have you ever thought, just for a minute, that you might be getting more than what you're bargaining for? That your kids will need your constant care and support beyond the normal 18 years?  That what you think you want now might change dramatically once you bring that baby home? Oh, and that you might be bringing TWO of them home?" I'm sure they would listen to me and not think I was a crazy lady.

3. You will never feel like you are doing it right. You will always question yourself. And that's actually normal and ok.

For me, realizing this has been very therapeutic. Where are my kids right now, you ask? All three are behind me on the big bed watching TV and eating Cheetos. At 8 AM. Yep. Judge away, but they're happy and so am I. I try to trust the doctors, physical therapists, teachers, and whoever else gives us advice about what's best for the kids, and they do give us a lot of valuable tips. But I know my kids the best -- I have to go with my gut about what's best, what's just not a good idea for us as a family, and what they need the most. They need to feel important, strong, kind, and smart.  Keeping them safe, healthy, and happy comes first, and the rest, well, we'll figure it out (I hope).

4. Your heart always feels divided, no matter where you are: 

If I'm at work, part of my heart is at home.
If I'm out to eat with Chris, part of my heart is where the kids are.
If I'm at home and Chris is at work, part of my heart is with him.
If my boys are with me, but Ellie's away, part of my heart is with her.
If I'm home with the kids, part of my heart wants to be reading a good book, writing, or just being quiet.

You don't miraculously lose your need to be an individual when you have kids. Instead, I've just learned to deal with a constant ache, sort of, like I'm never fully in one piece. Of course, some days are the best of all worlds -- family time, husband time, alone time, work time -- but seriously, how often do those planets align?

5. Your ability to feel emotions goes, like, crazy off the charts, man:  Times 100 once you have kids:

pride, fear, sadness, hope,

relief, love, hate, joy, disappointment,

excitement, amazement, compassion,

contentment, defeat, and of course, surprise

Who knew?

Good Times, Noodle Salad

Today, I'm thinking about some good stuff from a fun-filled three-day Easter weekend . . .

Friday:
Daddy is off of work! We took a family trip to the Alexandria Zoo, where we saw monkeys, lions, pelicans, snakes, a jaguar, a cougar, a white tiger, huge turtles, flamingoes, peacocks, macaws, eagles, crocodiles, alligators, otters, raccoons, a fox, deer, tapirs (way bigger and uglier than on Diego, lemme tell you), porcupines, kookaburras, and lots of huge carp. We all did great, which was a pleasant surprise. Well, Woody did NOT like the macaws squawking so loudly. Had our only little meltdown over those pesky birds.

But, of course, Ellie's favorite parts were the Cheetos at lunch and the train ride. And Jack loved the train! He flapped his arms (danced) and waved at everyone as we passed by. So cute. It was a lovely day to be outside. Glad we got to go before the real Louisiana heat ensues. My highlight: Chris and Ellie were noses to the glass looking for the lions, right when a lioness passed directly in front of them. Scared the poop out of them! Now that's good stuff.

Saturday:
I was headed to the wedding of a dear college friend 2 1/2 hours away and to do some spring/summer clothes shopping for the kids, so Daddy was on duty. Well, Chris likes to be on the go, so first they had an egg hunt at church, which Ellie said was a lot of fun: balloon animals and egg decorating, and of course candy, lots and lots of candy. Then, they headed to KFC, their favorite non-Mommy eating spot. After a nap and a neighborhood walk (Ellie rode her bicycle the entire time!), they dyed eggs, had supper and baths and went to bed.

Exhausting, I'm sure. Chris is the "Wonder-Dad", always there to save the day. I had a wonderful time at the wedding and found some good deals in Shreveport/Bossier. Maybe, just maybe, these clothes will survive into the summer. A girl can dream.

Sunday:
Resurrection Sunday was here, so it's time to get to church! We all enjoyed celebrating what Jesus Christ has done for us. Gives me tremendous hope to talk about life everlasting and victory over death and over these feeble bodies of ours. Praise God. After Bible study, I volunteered in the nursery, but I ended up holding both of my own boys for most of the morning, since they thought I was leaving every time I put them down, rotten babies.

Then, a drive to Zwolle for lunch and fun with the Maw Maws, Paw Paw, and even some cousins! I miss my family terribly when I can't make it on a holiday. Just don't get to see Mama, Nene, and the girls enough :(  But Chris's family is just wonderful, so of course we always enjoy visiting with them. Highlight: Woody showing off and "talking" to everybody, especially Paw Paw Travis. Sweet boy. And strawberry shortcake: nom nom nom.

Monday is Here: So long, weekend. Even though it's my Spring Break from work, we'll have a busy week with no Nanny Nicole. So far, so good . . . coffee cup cheers to a great week ahead!

Simple Woman?

I'm not convinced those words describe me (ok; I'm almost sure they do not), but I do love the idea of finding beauty and joy in the simple things of life, so here is my "Simple Woman's Daybook" for today ~ March 17, 2010

Outside my window ~ lovely and perfect -- sunny blue skies and a delicate breeze

Around the house ~ sleeping babies and their big sister at preschool, so quiet and strange

I am thankful for ~ every day bringing a new beginning.

Pondering these words ~ "I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also." This scripture has opened up a new perspective for me. Thanks, Tina, for posting it.

I am remembering~ that today is my little cousin Lindsay's birthday and that I didn't call our nephew Grant on Monday to wish him a happy birthday!

Looking forward to ~ hopefully a girly trip to St. Francisville this weekend to tour old homes and visit with my aunts, cousins, sister, mom, and maw maw.

I am noticing ~ that I have a terrible time focusing on my work lately.

I am thinking ~ about budgets, schedules, and details for the summer.

From the kitchen ~ perogies and italian sausage tonight, but maybe beef enchiladas? I need to eat some breakfast, too. It's almost 10:30!

I am going ~ to pick up Ellie at 12. I sure miss that girl. She told me I was her "family" this morning.

I am hoping ~ to get the boys started with more regular and more intense physical therapy this week.

One of my favorite things ~ coffee, really. This may seem like a trivial answer, but it makes my morning every day and has become a close friend with its warmth and darkly roasted goodness.

I am reading ~ The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey. His discussion of Christ's Judaism and the historical and cultural backdrop for his birth are really eye-opening. Just starting The Help, by Kathryn Stockett (thanks, Mama). Also, I'm teaching Tennessee Williams next week, so re-reading The Glass Menagerie, which is deeply disturbing but magical and relatable, too, somehow.

*I just saw online (I added this one) ~Teva sandals I will definitely buy for my birthday in July:

A picture (or two, or three. . .) thought to share ~

This week's birthday cousin rockin' out at Jack and Woody's birthday extravaganza:

 

My sweet boys helping with the laundry:       

Choose Joy,
Mariann                             

Firsts

When you have kids under three in the house, you have "firsts" almost every day, but here are several of the coolest ones lately:

1. Snow -- Even though it isn't common in the Deep South, Ellie has seen the white stuff before, and we even had it "stick" recently. But this snow was a REAL one. It covered everything -- about 5-6 inches. She decided to taste it, walk in it, and throw it. Her conclusion: snow is cold, so we should go inside now!

The night it started coming down -- playing with Daddy:

View from the front door the next morning:

Backyard

Now, that's a "snowball" -- yummy, with a side of gross.

Woody wasn't as impressed:

2. Saints WIN! Who Dat, Indeed! The boys will grow up thinking it's normal for the Saints to win a Super Bowl -- can you imagine?

And yes, Woody has a handful of Ellie's pig tail. . .

3. Taco Bell and Mardi Gras -- Ellie spent the weekend with her Zwolle Maw Maw and Paw Paw, so the boys experienced two firsts in one -- Natchitoches's . . . um .  . .  modest Mardi Gras parade and dinner at Taco Bell. They love cinnamon twists. Not so crazy about beads flying at their heads. Woody's thought process: "Sometimes I wonder why those beads keep getting bigger; then it hits me."

Jack

Woody (I know -- looks like the same picture)

4. Computer Games -- Maw Maw Judy told us about starfall.com, and it took Ellie about 2 minutes to learn how to point and click to play the ABC game. We may have created a monster:

5. Tea Party -- Ellie calls real dishes "breakables" and thought it was very cool that I let her play with them and have a breakfast tea party with Jack this week. All she talks about lately is tea parties, so it was definitely time.

and finally . . .

6. BIRTHDAYS! -- Woody and Jack will turn 1 next week (March 9th), and we're planning a fun "Rock Guitar Star" party for friends and family on Saturday (wish we lived closer to all of them). We are incredibly blessed, and we're overjoyed that Woody didn't have surgery this week -- would have made for a lousy celebration. Thanks, God, for that one. All of the love and support we've experienced this year makes this a very special day for us to enjoy with our sweet boys.

Little Rock Stars! Jack on the left, Woody on the right

Jack Travis one year ago:

Woody James:

Isaiah 43:19

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland."
 
Lamentations 3:22-24
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."


 

The Aftermath

That title seems timely, considering the terrible disaster in Haiti last week. I was actually thinking of the crazy wacky wild holidays finally being over and my home life getting back into a routine, but as I typed that, my heart and mind quickly turned to the people grieving, hurting, and struggling in Haiti. Prayer. Money. Good thoughts to them.

So, back to our happy home. Christmas tree is now down, which is sort of like packing away an old friend. I find the glow of the tree so calming. Maybe I'll put up lights year-round -- but that would take away some of the magic of the holidays. Never mind. But if we get too upset missing the tree, we can just look over at the dining room, which is where it still lies . . . in the box. . . in a pile of the rest of the decorations still not stored away. I'm over it. Is my cluttered living area an issue of eternal significance? Nope. Oh, and  neither is designing a visually appealing blog, apparently (soon, soon).

OK; I think in lists quite a bit, so here are the top ten crazy/fun/silly/exciting/terrible happenings of the last month or so:

1. Roadtrip #1: Christmas with the Haygoods. My great-grandmother Nettie "Mama" Haygood left this legacy, which is an annual family reunion in December for the families of her 6 children. Yes, it's a crowd, and a roadtrip to Liberty, MS. Even though most of the younger folks are ready to just eat and run after they arrive, some of us (me me me) enjoy at least getting to set eyes on the extended family and catch up a little. We hadn't made it to this gathering in several years (before any kids), so this was a treat for me. An ornament exchange is part of the tradition, and most of our ornaments we pull out each year came from the "Haygood Christmas."

2. 6 of my colleagues were laid off just before Christmas due to the state budget woes. Dang it. There are no words for the state of higher education or the state of, well, the state. But, come on, people. Isn't there another way?

3. Christmas with the Wilsons was at our house again this year, and Ellie discovered again how much she loves all her "tuzzins" and her Maw Maw "Fansiss", who read us the Christmas story from the book of Matthew. I really enjoyed looking around at our family and all the kids as they were listening to her read. In the middle of the toys, feast, and decorations, we all sat still and listened to Maw Maw read from the Bible. Good stuff. New tradition: I sure hope so. No pictures -- too busy being the hostess, I guess, although I didn't do much.

4. Roadtrip #2: Christmas with the Noonans/Alvarados/DuConges, and eventually the Perkins'. Shrimp and corn chowdaaaaaaa. Bubba's spicy rice dressing. Maw Maw P's seafood gumbo. Desserts-a-plenty. Ellie rediscovers more "tuzzins" -- even more girls!  We had an impromptu marching band all around Nene's living room. Do I love that my family will be silly with my kids, too? Yes, yes, I do.

5. We spent way too much on our 7th anniversary get-away, but man, it was worth the money. We stayed at The Parc England Hotel and ate at Bistro on the Bayou. Shrimp, crab cakes, dessert, ooh la la. I just realized how much of this post is about food. We just relaxed and went shopping at Hasting's and Goodwill. We even found a big girl bike for Ellie . . . for 3 dollars!

6. I found myself ringing in the new year all alone. Sounds depressing, doesn't it? Well, think again. I put the boys down to sleep, and since Ellie and her Daddy went to Zwolle to pop fire crackers and see Maw Maw and Paw Paw, I had the house to myself after 8 PM! What in the world to do? Watch a movie and fall asleep before it ends AND before 2010 arrives in the Central timezone. Great night.

7. So, Jack can roll over now from front to back -- on purpose. Well, for the physical therapist, anyway. He did it over and over for her, but doesn't always perform when I'm playing with him. The little brat. :)

8. The boys are still giving us fits with eating baby food. But they love red beans, mashed potatoes and gravy, and banana pudding. I think we're fighting a losing battle. Bring on the big people food.

9. We have also stumbled into a cool new schedule where the boys nap opposite but both sleep all night. At first, I was all "what the heck? I will never get anything done." But I've come to really enjoy the one-on-one play times with the boys. They share everything, so why not have mom to themselves occasionally?

10.  Roadtrip #3: New Orleans and the Children's Museum. My UHMAZING husband's idea: Ellie and I head out of town while he and the boys go look at muscle cars at the World of Wheels. Didn't I marry well? I got to visit some wonderful old longtime friends, and have loads of great imaginative fun at the Louisiana Children's Museum with Ellie, Maw Maw Judy, and Nene (and yes, more of the tuzzins Chloe and Briana). And oh yeah, King Cake from Randazzos. . . .. . . sinful and wonderful. Listening to David Sadaris's "Santaland Diaries" on the way down south (which my aforementioned amazing husband downloaded to his IPOD for me) = icing on the yummy cake.

11. And a little lagniappe from today. Ellie saw the sun sparkling on Cane River this morning and shouted from the backseat: "The water looks like popcorn . . . dancing!"

Choose Joy,
Mariann

December 3rd

Today is December 3rd, 2009, and exactly one year ago today, Chris and I had a terrible lunch at McCallister's Deli in Shreveport. No, the food wasn't bad. It was just the random location where we began to recover from a heart-breaking doctor's visit. We found out that day that the unborn twins I was carrying both had a permanently disabling birth defect called Spina Bifida.

What we were thinking THEN:

This is not fair. People have perfectly healthy babies every day. I have never smoked or even been a drinker. Young girls pop babies out all the time and don't even get pre-natal care. Some people don't even want their beautiful babies, and ours were PLANNED! Is it cruel to make them face a life full of challenges and health issues? Will they even make it? What quality of life will they have? Will they ever be independent? What have we done to Ellie (our then 18 month old)? Will she hate us for bringing home these special babies? How will we do this?

What we are thinking NOW:

Look at those perfect little chunky monkeys. They bring us joy every single day, and yes, it's tough sometimes. So far, other than a few surgeries and more doctor's visits than anyone would want to make, our lives are basically . . . . dare I say it?  Normal. This is our new normal, and we are ok -- better than ok. Our boys, Jack and Woody, have taught us to focus on what matters, and fuhgettabout the rest of it. Looking back, I needed to be reminded of what life is really about, and it's not about being this smiling family of three on a white couch in matching Christmas sweaters. And it's not about living in a large and perfectly decorated home with an impressive financial portfolio. It's about people. Family. Love and laughter. Accepting one another and forgiving one another. Being a friend when someone's hurting. And keeping your mouth shut when you think you know better than them. It's about loving God and each other. If life isn't an adventure, then what's the point?

Updates at 8 months old:
Woody is eating from a spoon -- veggies, fruits, smooshy big people food, etc. He has one tooth finally, and he has had a little cold lately but has otherwise been a very healthy little man. We are excited about his progress with head and trunk control in physical therapy. He has been grasping much better and "da-da"ing up a stinkin' storm! We will follow up with the urologist, as Woody is having a little trouble emptying his bladder lately, but we'll take one day at a time.

Jack refuses to eat from a spoon and just wants his bottle, even though he has 3, going on 4, teeth! He is able to sit supported for a few minutes and has rolled from his belly to his back a couple times. He loves his toys and has also been making lots of adorable babbles like "ba-ba", "da-da," and "ma-ma"! We had a little scare with the respiratory funk last month, but after some breathing treatments, he perked right back up after a few days.

Both boys have leg movements at times, and they are starting to use their upper legs more and more to move and kick. We have high hopes for these two -- they are very social and very lovable. Ellie is a proud big sister, who loves to make her "boys" smile and laugh. She finds Woody's paci when he needs it and asks where they are as soon as she comes into the house. She knows they're here to stay, and she thinks that's ok!

No matter what medical stuff we might face in the future, we are so happy to have our family just as they are -- so perfect and so special.